Windows Safe Mode

Right, so I was wrong. This week hasn't been the spectacular return to normal that I had hoped for :(

It's an improvement on last week only in that we've only fought once. But it feels like we're running in Windows Safe Mode. We fought again, over something ridiculous (I was trying to help, he was dismissive) on Monday evening, which spiraled into more not speaking to each other. Well no more than cursory. I don't think it was at all related to the immediate incident and more just the crushing weight of exhaustion at fighting with each other in general over the last week. We seem fine when not in the house tho ...

On Monday, beforehand, we'd spent about an hour back at my old place peeling and scraping the paint off the ceiling together and polyfilla-ing where the old light fittings had been in preparation to get it re-painted this week before his sister moves in this weekend. We managed to do that just fine together.

So Tuesday he went to cricket and I stayed home. Honestly I think I needed a night in at this new house on my own. I actually haven't really spent any alone time there yet really. I had a lot of alone time in my old house, time to settle myself in.

I moved things around, probably a few things that I shouldn't have since they were too heavy. But I was working thru my annoyance & frustration and I wasn't about to wait around for him to get home to do what needed doing. There are some things he's fantastic at getting done (take my ceiling for example, or in fact, the whole move in general) but, the little things, the random things I want done, seem to sit around waiting forever.

He hasn't commented on any of the changes I made ... Mostly they were in our new outside area. Which is usually my happy place and not really somewhere he spends too much time. He probably got this out of his system by setting up the TV and sound system in the lounge :) Anyway, I felt better for it.

Things were better yesterday, but we're still not talking to each other "properly". We're being polite and we are talking. But as I said, it feels like we're running in Safe Mode. A lot of that is me, I know. I need to re-connect with him, but I can't find a way to do it yet. He's occasionally hugging me, or holding my hand on the couch while we quietly watch TV together. But we're not talking about any of the little things, the things that happened in our day or anything like that. I hate it. I know it won't last much longer ... I will cave. It won't be resolved, it'll just disappear because who has the energy to maintain being annoyed or angry for so long? And life will somehow swing back to normal. For now tho, I still feel heavy and like I'm seeing the world thru blue-tinted glasses :(

Yesterday Gypsy got spayed. I went home early from work with a headache, took some meds, got some sleep and then collected her. She was a bit funny last night (to be expected), unusually quiet and slow. But she did eat, which made me happy :) She seems closer to normal this morning. Sweet thing. (The Trucker just Whatsapp-ed me a recording of her purring <3 ) She reminds me of a Silverback Gorilla in this photo - haha. Must've been the light thru the trees because she definitely doesn't have any sliver-grey fur.

Yesterday I also had someone come in and prime the ceiling and paint. Unfortunately we didn't buy enough paint so The Trucker went to buy more after work and then went and painted on the second coat (see, he is pretty amazing, and I know I'm actually really lucky) and I went thru about an hour later with the vacuum and what not to clean up.

Aargh. By the time I got there the paint was already peeling and falling off the ceiling again ?!? I don't know what we'll do about it. (The photo is of the new paint peeling already!)

And the new tenant's at his old place canceled yesterday (they never actually signed the lease and found somewhere else). Which also means if he can't find someone else, he will be paying another month's rent there :(

Life is not awesome right now. Where is that light at the end of this tunnel?

Oh, there were one or two highlights this week actually: First, I finally received my birthday gift from The Peeb. She knitted me some fingerless gloves :) They are pretty cool. The only downside is they are completely different sizes. And only one fits snugly enough to be wearable. :( Hopefully she'll re-knit me the other one because actually just last week I was thinking it may finally be time to replace my current, rather old ones, which I wear pretty much every day in winter ... fingers get cold typing on computers and moving the mouse around.

And @Arkwife introduced me to Chilli Popper Toasties. OMG. I am in love. Cream cheese, sliced Jalepenos and grated cheddar cheese ... it's a winner, folks. I made it for myself for dinner on Tuesday evening. I even made one to share as a starter last night for The Trucker to try. This weekend we're adding bacon :)

Super Sad True Love Story by Gary Shteyngart

In the near future, America is crushed by a financial crisis, and Chinese creditors may just be ready to foreclose on the whole mess. Then Lenny Abramov, son of an Russian immigrant janitor an ardent fan of "printed, bound media artifacts" (books), meets Eunice Park, an impossibly cute Korean-American woman with a major in Images and a minor in Assertiveness. Could falling in love redeem a planet falling apart?

Mkay, I didn't really know what to expect from this. I can't even remember why it piqued my interest, honestly. And I enjoyed how it was written and the "in the future" factor ... but the actual story .... hmmm. I was interested in bits of it. But now that I've finished, I'm not really sure I "got" it.

Second Anniversary

Mkay, I think things are on the up ... I know I left you hanging last week with a rather down in the dumps post :(

On Thursday evening we headed to one of The Trucker's oldest friend's houses ... he was out for a week from Bermuda for his brother's wedding. Yes, I finally got to meet the guy we're off to visit in Bermuda for a week in September :) We had quite a cool evening. @Toxic_Mouse and his girlf were there too. And we ate some delish home-made prawn & chicken curry.

On Friday it was my 2 year anniversary with The Trucker. Now there was definitely a time when I didn't think we'd get here, and yes, despite the exactly 2 months apart, I still consider this our anniversary. But we did get here and it was worth celebrating. Not quite in the style of last year - haha, that was amazing. This year because we had such a busy week planned, we just went for dinner at Licorish. We have booked a weekend away in June tho ... am so looking forward to it :)

Dinner was superb, as always. Although, on arrival I was unimpressed with the menu's. I don't remember if they were like that last time, but the newspapery-feel doesn't suit the restaurant, I don't think. The restaurant is far more impressive and classy and the newspapery menu's just don't tie in with that at all. But anyway, that aside, I started with a Chocolate Chilli Martini. It was nice, but not very strong ... chilli or chocolate wise.

Then we shared a starter of Goats cheese samoosa with balsamic onion jam, yellow pepper essence and pumpkin seed cinnamon dukkah. This was superb (and there were 2 on the plate which suited us perfectly). For mains, The Trucker had the fillet taster plate and I had the game taster plate. Mine consisted of an Ostrich puff-pastry tart, which had far too many mushrooms for my liking, a Springbok Spring Roll, which I rather liked, and a piece of Kudu fillet served of sweet potato mash. I couldn't finish it all but it was all very nice. And with that we had the wine tasters. My favourite (wish I knew what it was) was the one served with the kudu.

We finished with Chocolate spring rolls with cape velvet custard to share. So full!

Shame, The Trucker has been sicker than I remember him ever being. Off work for 2 days (this boy never takes a day off! Even when he should) and just plain exhausted, sore and drained the whole weekend. So we didn't get anything done house-wise this weekend. We need to get the ceiling sorted before his sister moves in ... it's gotta be this weekend. Eep.

We had the maid over on Saturday morning to get the old house cleaned up and ready for it's new tenant. And The Trucker slept most of the morning. Poor guy. And then it was time to get ready for the wedding. It was at Avianto, which I've never been to. Quite a nice venue. We had a lovely time but left early because The Trucker was still feeling awful.

We slept late on Sunday and had a lazy morning and breakfast at home before heading out to do the grocery shopping. And then spent a nice lazy afternoon at home. I think this is what we needed ... although The Trucker has spent quite a lot of time already there ... maybe it's what I needed. He thinks the woman who owned it died there. Her son, who we are renting from, said she got alzheimers so couldn't stay there anymore. I think, for me, it's just that I haven't really figured out my place there yet. I know that sounds crazy. Our roles haven't really changed in the house. We do a lot together. But I guess, it's exacerbated by him having spent so much time there. I feel out of place. At my house, it was mine, I was sorta more in control of the place, I knew where things were ... I'd put them there. I know, it sounds crazy, but I hadn't cooked a single thing in this house after a whole week there ... well, not really. I'd only done my first load of washing there on Saturday. It is silly, but I think I'm getting over it :)

Anyway, so on Sunday I finally got to use my SCM Gift. Although The Trucker had unpacked it and been using it all week, which cause another upset ... it was my gift and still in it's box, I kinda wanted to use it first. Not that I would ever stop him using it after that whenever he wanted ... but I dunno, him using it first rubbed me up all the wrong way and I had to seriously force myself to actually use it at all after that because I was so annoyed. Maybe it's just me that feels like that about things?

So for lunch on Sunday I made us Roasted Strawberry, Brie and Chocolate Grilled Cheese. I won't lie, it wasn't as epic as I was hoping for. I used that thin rye bread from Woolies, I wouldn't do that again. I also wouldn't use brie again. It was too strong (perhaps I used too much). I would go with something more neutral, like Goat's Cheese next time. The melty Lindt 70% and the strawberries were pretty good tho :)

We made ostrich burgers for dinner and made a serious dent in Game of Thrones S3. I am bored. Again, too many characters I couldn't care about, you don't even see every character in each episode. It is far too much to remember who every one is and who is a good guy or a bad guy. We finished The Following this weekend too (The Trucker is not a fan of Serial-Killer Sundays). This started out great, but I am not convinced. It's all just a bit too fantastical for me because while I enjoy Kevin Bacon's character and his storyline, I just can't get behind the whole Joe Carroll thing.

The problem with #TheFollowing is that i can't wrap my head around why anyone would a) put up with, let alone b) follow this idiot guy #sigh
— phillygirl (@philly_girl) May 17, 2013

And that was our weekend. We're having a quiet week this week. Neither of us has made plans for the week or the weekend ... we need some time at home, together.

It's Not as Easy as it Looks

Urgh. Another meltdown for no reason yesterday evening. I don't know what is going on. But my world has been shaken and I can't figure out how to get it back to sunshine and roses. And really, technically, nothing is wrong.

The poor boy is ill, he went to the doc yesterday and had chest xrays and is on more meds than I was a few weeks back. And I am angry and frustrated and irritated for no reason. This move has thrown me and I can't pin point why. And he's trying to give me solutions, which I don't want or need. I just want to punch something or break it.

Okay, I managed to get past that little outburst last night. But it's a frustrating place to be. When you can't figure out what is upsetting your apple cart.

We took and easy evening at home (last night's plans were postponed to tonight) and we both needed it. We got take-out. I know we shouldn't have, we aren't having a dinner cooked at home from Monday to Saturday. It's not the ideal scenario of a week, but it happens to be this week.

We talked about how we both don't feel the "click" with this new house and neither of us can pin-point why or what it is exactly (I was relieved to hear he felt the same!). We're just not settling in here. Yes, most of our stuff is slowly getting unpacked or hidden in a spare room for another time ... but even that distracts from the immediate chaos, at least. And we're talking about maybe moving back to my little house. Where we were both happy. I don't think we'll do that. Not yet at least. I want to give us some time to try and settle here. The space, which should be making us happy, is making the house feel distant.

The Trucker said it also took a while for him to adjust to the space of his previous place after the place before. Maybe that's all we need, some time. Time for it to feel like home? Will that feeling come over time? And really, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this house, it's a very nice house ... so what is wrong with us?

Last time, when I moved into my home, it was instantaneous. I was immediately home, even before my furniture arrived. I felt settled and at peace in the space. I dunno, this space is rubbing me all the wrong ways. And it's an exhausting problem to fix. It's not one I'm familiar with or know how to handle. Everything feels wrong and out of place when I look around. I feel like I'm staying in a hotel, somewhere transitory. It has everything I need, but it doesn't comfort my soul. True, we haven't had a restful night in (till last night) ... we have just been sleeping there and storing all our worldly possessions there.

I hope it changes. I need it to change. But it makes sense for us to stay there for now, while we're waiting to see where the rest of this year goes ...

Am not currently a happy camper :( (ah, as I read that simple comment,  the literalness of it is frightening)

And the animals are weird and not helping. Gypsy is hunting Lily every moment that they're in the garden together (you can even see it so clearly in this photo!). We've booked Gyps in for her spaying next week. The girls are both impossible to round up when it's time to go back in the house / back in the hutch. Rex is such a go-with-the-flow even tempered guy <3

Hugs, lots of hugs. At least, on the plus side, Mom's flights to Jozi for a week in July are booked :)

Amazing Eating

Mkay so it's been an exhausting few days. We have only spent a single evening at our new home together (Sunday, and we will be out again tonight! At least tonight we'll be out together, the last 2 nights we've had our own plans).

Things have been weird and niggly and annoying between The Trucker & I for the last 2 days. I think we managed to clear it up yesterday. The emotional onslaught of the move has hit me, but in a completely different way than I expected. I haven't missed my old home yet ... I guess cause that chapter has yet to close, there is still stuff to be moved from there and no one has moved in and made it their own yet. It is more the new house and living together that is rubbing me up the wrong way. It's not too serious, I think it's just one of those wobbles that happen when you create this sort of upheaval in your life. But I got into a bit of a state last night because I didn't know where anything was or where my stuff was supposed to go or how to use his dishwasher (So generally feeling completely useless here). Combining 2 people's things is emotional. For the big stuff, honestly it's been easy. My bed, his couch, you know, that sort of thing. Generally you pick the better of the two. But then figuring out where all your personal rubbish and knick-knacks go becomes more complicated.

We'll get there. I didn't do any "house stuff" last night, I took the evening off, I couldn't face the chaos that still needs unpacking. Instead I watched some series and went to SCM. When I got home, I took my first bath in our en suite and it was perfect. You know how sometimes the baths are just a weird shape and don't exactly fit. This one is perfect. I found my happy place and even managed to tackle the last of the bathroom stuff that needed unpacking. So I am feeling more on top of this whole moving thing again.

On Monday after work I'd got home and immediately headed to my old place to pack up a bunch of what was still left there - we needed the glasses rather urgently. It was exhausting. While I may be able to pack things, hefting giant containers filled to the brim into the boot of my car, not my strong suit.

After that I headed out to dinner with an old friend, Kersh. We worked together back in the day, before he moved to London. And the last time I saw him was when I was over there visiting for work. It's been ages. But hey, isn't that what Facebook is for these days :) So yeah, we still keep in touch and when he said he was coming back to SA for 2 weeks, we planned a dinner. Now let me tell you, I had to pick somewhere decent, the boy has become a bit of a foodie and has been to places like Noma (apparently very exclusive, impossible to get a reservation for restaurant in Demark where a meal is 20 servings!). So naturally I wanted to show off a little of what Joburg has to offer :) And, of course, it was a great opportunity for me to try one of the restaurants on my Surprise Date Night List. Although I am ending up with a list of places I'm dying to take The Trucker back to (Peach Cafe, Coobs & now Eatery JHB) ... haha.

So yes, I gave him a couple of ideas and he picked Eatery JHB. Oh. My. Word. I was spectacularly blown away by this little place ... although I do wish I'd seen the upstairs! Next time.

They have a great selection of craft beers, so I had a Bone Crusher ... which they served in a wine glass :) I rather liked that. I started with their Beetroot and goats cheese ravioli with balsamic reduction and chives. Not at all what I expected. I thought because it said ravioli there would be actual pasta involved, but there isn't. The beetroot sort of replaces the pasta and surrounds the goats cheese. I really enjoyed it and the presentation was great :)

For mains, I had the Spinach pappardelle with broccoli & cauliflower florets and mustard butter, which was sooo good. Didn't feel like I was eating pasta at all. The flavour was superb.

And now, well I had to have dessert because everything else had been so good. So I chose the Scorched pineapple carpaccio with hazelnut praline, macerated strawberries & lime sorbet. OMG. I totally won at Dessert. Although I think I won with all my courses, honestly. Haha. But Kersh had serious order envy. Would have this again in a heartbeat (although perhaps not as fast as I'd have The Foundry's Pumpkin Fritters - haha). The flavours together worked so brilliantly and, once again, I loved the presentation (it came on a slate plate)! I think this was my favourite dish of the evening, but it would be such a close call.

So, I will definitely be going back here with The Trucker, at the earliest next month tho, because they change their menu every 3 months :) Can't wait to try it again.

Anyway, it was awesome to see Kersh, have a good meal out and a great catch-up :) It is so nice when you can just spend an evening chatting to someone like it hasn't been 5 years since you last saw them!