Thursday, September 06, 2007

Facebook Depression

Last night was pretty quiet. Varen & I went out to Sakura for sushi and then spent the rest of the evening watching Numb3rs Season 2.

It was just what I needed after the surprising discovery yesterday afternoon that Work seems to have un-blocked our access to facebook. Now this in itself should sound like the sort of news that would leave me tingly with excitement. But, in fact, it didn't. It was strange to be back there after at least 2 months break and I came close to deleting my profile altogether - I decided not to just yet but, I've decided that I certainly won't be stopping in on a daily basis nor keeping it open on my desktop thru out the day. It left me with a very strange feeling, not a good one. One that made me want to rush home for a hug from Varen. Being able to see all these people and a snippet of their lives (obviously the best bits, hand picked by themselves) left me feeling a touch depressed.

Essentially I like my life the way it is and I've really lived it the only way I could've so far ... but *everyone* out there seems to be getting married (if they haven't already) and having babies and settling down like regular adults. And what am I doing? I'm in a fairly new relationship and I have yet to crack the 3 year mark with any of the previous boys (there are people from school who've been dating their partners for 10 years or 7 years - sheesh! And hell, even The Lying Pilot will have been married 3 years in December). Does that just make me more fussy than them or are they just afflicted by (what I like to call) the Cape Town Contentment?

So even tho I've been traveling to some places none of them will ever see, that I'm in a relationship I'm really enjoying (okay, I know it's early days and everyone says that!) and that kids would just screw with my plans to move to the UK, I still somehow feel that my life is sub-standard. Bizarre how you can be depressed by something you don't necessarily want right now (definitely one day tho), but that everyone else seems to have already. So based on all that I've been put off facebook after a mere half hour back in the browsing. Sad, huh?

Oh and I figured out last night that this must be the how the scary I'm-Nearly-30 Interviewing-For-A-Husband phase must start ... slowly but surely you get the occasional little pangs after you turn 25 and then by the time you're 29 & half it must just kick in at full tilt?

13 comments:

MsMozi said...

Darn Facebook and its disgusting ability to make us feel kak about our lives... Although having said that, maybe there are people out there looking at our profiles and feeling equal pangs of jealousy or inadequacy.

phillygirl said...

@msmozi - Now that's the sort of thinking I like to hear :) Although to be fair, those are probably the same people who are stuck at home with babies and hubby's who work too late every night ;) Isn't the grass always greener?

The Divine Miss M said...

That it is. I'm about to turn 25 and I'm getting the baby/settling down pangs. Not that I want to do it RIGHT now but I'd like to think that I'm with someone that I could potentially in the distance future maybe see myself spending the rest of my life with. ;)

phillygirl said...

@missm - there's a lot of maybe's, potentially's and distant future in there ... and that's my point. Depressing, isn't it? Dontcha just wanna be there and know for sure. I don't know who thought we should be born without crystal balls - yeah, yeah, free-will and all that, but when the time comes, I wanna know and I don't want all these doubts of "well, it didn't work last time, so why should this be any different". I guess everyone else ruled that option out by marrying the guy they'd been dating since high-school/uni.

I think I am experientially challenged ;) You know?

The Divine Miss M said...

My friend Carl and I wish that people had neon signs pointing over their head going "The One" so that you knew when it was actually the correct person without having to go through everything.

Ye, I do wish I was with The One, but I don't know if I'm reading to settle down completely yet.

I'm just a ball of confusion when it comes to that.

The Divine Miss M said...

God, imagine if you'd married Shaun ...

phillygirl said...

@missm - I prefer not to think about those sort of horrors! (And for those less in the know, that'd be the Queen of Melodrama she's talking about)

The Divine Miss M said...

I LOVE THAT NICKNAME!!!

Does he know about that one?

*evil cackle*

phillygirl said...

@missm - Of course not! Don't be naive. Lopz loved it too ;) Besides, nicknames are meant to give you a hint to the person they are actually referring to, his is more appropriate than most ;)

freelancer45 said...

hey I just read your blog out of randomness..it was shown on my dashboard thingy....very interesting.I know what you mean about everyone getting married...I think your blog is nice...bye :)

phillygirl said...

@freelancer - glad you enjoyed it and I hope you'll become a regular reader :)

fifi said...

Just deactivated because I was sick of feeling depressed with my life!

In 6 short months i went from feeling confident and happy with my life to utterly miserable. I'm 29 with 2 kids and married. All I see on the various profiles in single happy young women partying, travelling and enjoying fantastic careers.

This of course is now all I want to do and am frustrated that I can't.

The grass indeed is ALWAYS greener. I think you are the lucky one that still has the luxury of choice..

phillygirl said...

@fifi - I'm proud to say I haven't been on fakebook (as Varen likes to call it) in absolute ages! And I can assure you, the grass is always greener ... well, at least until you get to the other side!

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