Friday, November 30, 2007

Crash Boom Bang

Blegh. I am not happy at the moment. And that's not to say I'm sad. I've just lost interest. I can't manage to muster a single positive thought. I'm holding out hopes that it's just that usual end-of-year overwhelming feeling of having had enough of everyone and everything around you (Varen, you're excluded).

I wake up in a perfectly acceptable mood, I mean I'm not bouncing of the walls or anything, but I'm not blue either. That is until I contemplate the day ahead and dealing with these frustrating people at work. I can't seem to get excited about anything. Although I know I am looking forward to my Cape Town 2 week break in December. I just want to be away from everything here and spend some time with no pressure to do anything.

I hope I feel better soon. Oh, and I forgot to mention that on top of all this I hate myself lately. It's not an ideal state of mind to be in. I hate the way I look (and not just because I'm currently glowing pink with sunburn from our Vaal River Cruise). I hate that I feel like nothing is right with my life and that I can't fix it either.

Not exactly the Christmas spirit, huh?

Oh, I had an idea about that too. I was thinking that going forward (really really far forward) when I have my own family, that I shouldn't celebrate Christmas on Christmas day. It seems a little hypocritical. And I should rename it too ... into something with a more family-centric theme. I mean, that's what Christmas is for me. I know there are plenty of people out there who go to Church all year and for them Christmas (as the day that they believe Christ died, although even if not the actual day, the placeholder for the day) is a huge deal, as it should be. What bugs me is those half hearted religious folk who show up to their chosen Church bi-annually, on Christmas and Easter, the big ones. I think that's just ridiculous. Either you believe or you don't. I'm not a huge fan of the believing in what suits you. Although don't get me wrong, I think there's loads of religious tradition that should be updated (but I guess that comes back to my personal beliefs or lack thereof so no more on that).

But as such, I was thinking that I shouldn't be celebrating Christmas (on the 25th December or even calling it Christmas). I guess we'll see how it goes ... it's kinda hard to explain to kids why they don't celebrate Christmas - but I guess the Jews & Muslims manage it so why can't I?

nough about religious views, it's not really something I want to get into in a public space - although if asked I will discuss at length. I'm just afraid of starting another email-conversion campaign. Just teasing, AG.

Had a lovely dinner out with Koet & Nambi last night. Finally decided to try Wombles so that the meat eaters among us could gorge their cravings ;) It's a nice restaurant although definitely geared more for the carnivores that the white-meat-etarians like myself. They had a selection of pasta's I suppose I could've tried. And I could've attempted the Sole as well. I think we'll be back to try it again.

Also bumped into a girl I was in matric with ... another one married with a recent baby. Sheesh. Although, I'm consoling myself with the fact that she's taking orders at restaurant at 27, even if it is a fancy one.

And here's the kicker. In the process of writing this post about how depressed I'm feeling of late, I have just received the house-related news I alluded to earlier in the week. The developers have decided not to sell the remaining unit with my name on it because they think they can get more cash for it if they wait to sell after it's built. Since technically it's no longer "off-plan" as the building has started ... not that you can really get any sense of what it'll end up like anyway.

So there you have it. Things just get better and better. And why do we stick around alive?


The Divine Miss M said...

Oh honey

*big hugs and cuddles* Nothing else to say other than I'm thinking of you and always here for you.

phillygirl said...

@missm - Thanks, it means a lot!

Unknown said...

Oh no man...Phillygirl, I think your holiday in CT is going to be so awesome, I'm pretty sure of it.

You and Miss M could meet up (or prob are) and have a wonderful time! DAMMIT, I wish I were here though...

WHich reminds me, Miss M...I may want to know exactly what time you're arriving since I think I may just at least want to give you a hug, wish you happy bday and then finish packing for my own flight later that evening.

A. M said...

well i'm sorry to hear that u'r not feeling well...Psychologically.
Anyway this is just a phase and it passes so hold on to yourself.
hope u feel better soon

phillygirl said...

@mrs - yes, i'm sure CT will be fab ... but I'm still down about the fact that it's only 2 weeks and after the break I will have to head back here and deal with real life again.

@am - I hope so too :) Thanks goodness I have Varen around to give me often-needed hugs.

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