Annoyed

This morning I am annoyed. With Varen. And since my arrival at the office, the idiot people here.

I'll start with Varen. Do you know he's deleted his blog? That's right, deleted it right off the internet. As if it somehow had something to do with me, because I started him blogging. Or perhaps because I know he doesn't like the idea that I'll read it. And now we're doing the not talking thing either.

I completely understand, but it is still annoying as all hell. I accept that he had floated along on my up and down for as long as he could and tried as hard as he could to make this work the way he wanted and needed. Unfortunately we wanted and needed different things from each other. Now neither of us is getting those things.

It seems so ridiculous. And it was the same with Bean. This person who you build up a bond with, a friendship along with everything else. And when you lose everything else you lose their friendship. It's sad. And annoying. I can't make him talk to me and I'll respect the space he needs but, that doesn't mean it won't annoy me. At least for him, he's moved and I don't know where to ... so there's no chance of me popping in for a visit or a chat and he'll be off to his new job next week. He'll have all the space he needs.

And no doubt he'll find someone to fill my spot soon ... why is that annoying? I guess I'd like to believe I'm not that easily replaceable, but everyone is. I miss someone believing in me like he did, I guess because at the moment I'm too fragile to believe in myself too much right now. I still feel like the terrible person who broke 2 hearts in a record time. But hopefully that's just my head attacking me again ... hopefully.

And now there is idiot work. The people here drive me nuts. Is it a girl thing? Does it happen everywhere that no matter what your experience, if you are a girl you get side-lined for the boys? I forgot to mention that TheBrad is back early from the Caribbean. Apparently, based on the amount of partying they did in the 2 weeks he was there, if he'd stayed and tried to continue at that level of endurance, he probably would've killed himself. Oh well.

And I know I should be thrilled. No more 6 weeks of standby and being the only resource on all our projects. But I'm not. I'm annoyed. At the moment I'm working on our 2 current projects. And before TheBrad was back they would need to check all decisions with me, no matter which of our offices I was in. Now they've gone back to that idiot way of thinking that if one of us is around and in a meeting, that is sufficient. Forget the fact that they could be making decisions regarding the projects I'm working on ... Who cares, one of the project resources is there. I should be conference called in ... no, no, apparently they'll just let me know after the meeting. Well, no I've logged out my phone and I'm not interested in any of them this morning.

Do you wanna know the sorts of things I have to put up with? I once sent out an email regarding work we were doing and some stuff we needed done by someone else, who happened to be sitting right next to me. When he got the email, he picked up the phone and called TheBrad. That's right, I sent the mail, I was sitting right next to him and he phoned TheBrad who was at our other offices to talk about the questions I'd asked. It is more than Rude.

I know TheBrad has been here longer than I have and certainly has more experience on the workings of our systems, but I've been here almost 2 years now, it is not an insignificant amount of time. It is just annoying. On a regular basis decision that affect me and the projects I work on have decisions made over my head or without me even aware that there was even any discussion being had. And I on the other hand try and always keep people informed about what's being done and decisions being made and the status of work currently being done - since I am overly communicative, but I'm sure none of you noticed that, at all ;)

Blegh, why exactly did I decide to stay here? Our line manager (one of the reasons) has been away pretty much since that public holiday in March. He's back today, thankfully. I need to speak to him. I need to vent. I need to feel like I am respected for what I do. I doubt this will happen today. Annoying.