Friday, May 25, 2007

Am I Just Part of an Experiment?

So i find myself in a fairly interesting new age situation. How many other people can honestly say they know what this is like ... ?

Now I love blogging and I won't be giving it up any time soon, assuming nothing steps in the way of that. But things get interesting when: Girl meets Boy. Girl shows Boy her Blog. Boy reads Girl's Blog. Boy starts own Blog. Girl reads Boy's Blog. Boy and Girl break up. Both keep Blogging.

Now, in my current situation where there is now no contact between Girl & Boy (at Boy's request), the Blogs are really all we have left to go on. So, perhaps I'm wrong in saying that the Varen & Philly show is truly over. I know he's still reading this - no doubt to check out the aftermath ... which he seems to assume implies I'm coping just fine, obviously he's not reading it too closely. I am wounded and hurt and sad and angry and have currently no outlet but the blog. He's been posting some interesting stuff on his side of the Blogosphere too. And he knows I'm still keeping tabs.

So here we are, in a very new age situation. We've broken up and essentially, that should be the end of it, right? In the old world you'd cut ties in much the way he listed in his email (quoted in a previous post) and probably delete each other's number from your cell phone too. And although he may have done all that, we are still exposed to each other by a morbid curiousity ... since I guess we could just as easily stop reading the other's blog. But I won't and I'm not yet sure how he'll handle things. Although we want to cut the ties that are continuing to remind us of the hurt and pain and unfortunately just as much of all the good times (harder to remember right now tho), we just can't stop ourselves ... well, I can't. I want to know what he's up to and how his day was just as much as if yesterday never happened. I'm just no longer allowed to get this information in a private capacity. And as a girl who regularly Google's her ex's, this should come as no surprise :)

It's weird and it seems to be causing a fair amount of confusion and more hurt currently ... I guess because we only hear what's written in the voice we read it. Which is usually, no doubt, not how it was intended.

Anyway, I must be off back to course ... but these are my musings. Yes Varen, you still occupy a fair amount of my head space, even tho you seem not to think so.

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