Monday, May 21, 2007

Unexpected Ending

So this weekend was good ... up until Sunday round lunchtime. But more on that later. Probably sould've written this all down last night but I was busy (luckily) and now I'm in a bit of a rush since I only have half a day here at work before I'm off on the leadership course this week.

Friday I was in a pretty peculiar mood (see the post) but, even so Varen wanted to do lunch before he headed off to Umkomaas and I was gone for a week. Lunch wasn't a spectacular event, I wasn't in the best of moods, but it was nice to see him :)

Friday evening Loulou and I had a quiet night at home with mini pita-pizzas and a couple of dvds. The dvds were not ideal since I've generally seen just about everything on big screen, so I was holding out for saw 3 and accepted there'd be at least one that I'd already seen.

We ended up with Deja Vu & Borat (hadn't seen this for reason that remain obvious after watching) since saw 3 had not yet been returned - annoying

Deja Vu I've reviewed already.

Kazakh TV talking head Borat is dispatched to the United States to report on the greatest country in the world. With a documentary crew in tow, Borat becomes more interested in locating and marrying Pamela Anderson.

It's rubbish. I was never a huge Ali G fan either. And I'm not a huge fan of this sort of humour. That's really all there is to say about it.

Then I was up early early on Saturday morning so that I could get myself to the 8am Bikram Yoga class. Was a good way to start the day ... even tho the Yoga was more difficult in the morning. I think because the room hasn't spent the whole day being heated and because all my muscles still thought they should be lazing in bed :)

Then I went on a bit of a shopping spree before I had to head to work for another implementation. This one went smoothly :) Then there was more shopping ... since I was missing the rugby already, might as well make it count ;) I thought I'd be one of about 3 people in the malls but I can tell you that I didn't even notice a thinning in attendance. Oh well.

Then it was home to wait for Loulou to get back from the rugby. Started watching a new series called Extras. I preferred it to The Office.

The Loulou and I got all dolled up and headed to her friend's 31st birthday. Stayed for about 2 hours or so and then headed to a house party we'd been invited to by Phlippy & Lord Wiggly. That was quite a fun evening :) Better than most house parties since they had a barman and a DJ. But didn't really meet too many interesting new people ... at least no one I'd ever need to see again.

nd then it was home fairly early at midnight since the few people we knew there had all just about left themselves. I think it was my early morning Yoga kicking in too ... plus I'm out of practice at the whole party-scene.

Then I had a good laze-in on Sunday morning. Finished reading my book. Then Loulou and I went and had sushi for lunch.

And this is where things took a turn for the worse. I'm still not really sure what happened, but it did. I chatted to Varen, on his way home from his diving weekend. I wanted him to join me for movies later in the evening, since he'd said he'd be popping in on his way home anyway. And he got really angry with me about having been to the party the night before. The conversation ended abruptly and led to a number of confusing smses. I could tell he wasn't happy.

So I left things alone for a while to cool off and finished watching Extras. Then I called him. I'd decided to do a double feature at the movies (haven't done that in years .... since I dated ActorWriterDirector, actually) and would therefore not be able to chat to him when he arrived home. I invited him to join me for the second movie, if he was in a better mood. And here, on the phone, while he was driving with 2 of his friends in the car, the conversation got heated.

I'll never know if he was planning to end it on Sunday evening all along, was that the reason he was gonna come over? I'll never know if it's because he had a far better time on the weekend away from me and our continual ups & downs. I'll never know how much he got talked into finally making the decision by his friends who were there with him ... they don't really think we're such a marvelous idea. Either way, things are really, no-speaking even, over. I guess that's what happens when you end things (can't really say break-up since I couldn't really say we were dating) over the phone. It's far more final and you're not there to hug the person and see their emotion.

I am sad about all this, but I understand why it eventually had to happen. So, I couldn't stop it happening. With an ultimatum like date me or nothing, when I clearly can't date him, what options am I left with but to gracefully bow out and let him go. He'll survive this, I'll survive this and maybe one day we'll even speak again. It's hard to realise that this is really the end. I'm going to miss him. There'll be no one to watch series with and no more bike rides.

And I wish I could figure this whole thing out. I don't know why I couldn't date him. Things were sometimes so good between us, but Ijust couldn't commit to it and have it turn into a full-time thing. I wish I knew what was holding me back ... but I don't, it's just a funny feeling inside me that stopp
ed me every time I thought maybe.

So there you have it. I am really single now. He won't be speaking to me again for a very long time, I'm sure. I wonder if his blog will still be up when I get back to work next Monday? I hope he'll be happy. He is a lovely guy :)

So after that I went to hide. I watched my double feature of Fracture & Spider Man 3.

If you look close enough, you'll find everyone has a weak spot. Anthony Hopkins and Ryan Gosling star in the dramatic thriller Fracture. When a meticulous structural engineer (Hopkins) is found innocent of the attempted murder of his wife (Embeth Davidtz), the young district attorney (Gosling) who is prosecuting him becomes a crusader for justice. Fracture is packed with twists and turns that weave in and out of the courtroom as the pair try to outwit each other.

Fracture looked to be good ... but turned out not completely fabulous. I spotted the twist the instant it happened and boredly waited for the characters to catch up.

How long can any man fight the darkness... before he finds it in himself?
In Spider-Man 3, based on the legendary Marvel Comics series, Peter Parker has finally managed to strike a balance between his devotion to M.J. and his duties as a superhero. But there is a storm brewing on the horizon. As Spider-Man basks in the public's adulation for his accomplishments and he is pursued by Gwen Stacy (Bryce Dallas Howard), who rivals M.J. for his affections, Peter becomes overconfident and starts to neglect the people who care about him most. His newfound self-assuredness is jeopardized when he faces the battle of his life against two of the most feared villains ever (Thomas Haden Church, Topher Grace), whose unparalleled power and thirst for retribution threaten Peter and everyone he loves.

Spider Man 3 I found as disappointing as it seems everyone else has. It's pretty slow and I thought quite tedious. Oh well, it had to be watched.

He didn't show up for the second movie. I still thought he might and make everything okay again, but he didn't. It really is over.

And that was my weekend. Things are strange this morning. Got a good-bye email from Varen. I can't deal with this right now. I only have a morning at work this week and I've spent half of it blogging so far. I need to finalise and pay for my Kenya-Uganda trip and go to a couple of meetings. I am sad. This is life.


ChewTheCud said...

You picked up a seriously irritating sharks-supporting hunter on saturday ;)

You watch way too many movies. Is there such a thing as too many movies though?

akika said...

well, the movie thing is not hereditary since I'm her sister and I hardly ever watch movies

Marc said...

sorry bout that. just when the varen & philly show was getting interesting :(
Oh well, we will just keep watching to see the unexpected twists and turns...
Good luck and enjoy your week off ;)

The Divine Miss M said...

Hey Philly - I hope you're doing alright and not stressing too much. Stupid men.
Well I still love you :)

phillygirl said...

@chews - I didn't pick him up, he was trying desperately in his drunken state to follow me about ... but thanks for providing me with a safe haven to escape to and more discernable conversation :)

There is no such thing as too many movies.

@akika - yes, but you're a weirdo ... and, as we all know, the complete polar opposite of me :)

@marc - yup, it's sad but I guess at the end of the day it's ups and downs just like this one that keep you, the reader, interested in the varen & philly show ;)

@leigh - thanks hon ... if I'm not married by 35 I'm moving in with you then ;)

lordwiggly said...

Nobody at the party you would need to see again?? Ouch...

phillygirl said...

@wiggly - you don't count. No doubt I'll be seeing you, phlippy & chews again ... it was more a case of those random strangers, I'm quite happy for them to stay just that ;)

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