Friday, May 18, 2007

I Hate The World (or Myself?)

I'm having one of those "I Hate The World" days, one of those "I Hate Myself" days but more a "I Hate The World" day. You know the ones. Your head settles in for a real attack on your psyche and sends messages of doom and destruction coursing thru out your body. And then there are all these other people you have to deal with. And since I'd rather not go into all the things I'm hating about myself right now (no need to wallow, right?) and all the things I think is wrong with my pitiful life, let's focus on The World.

It's nothing particular ... it's just that general overriding feeling that makes me log out my Google Talk and my phone (handy being at the Second Site!) and deal with people only thru manageable byte-sized (pahahahaha, excuse the Computer Geek pun - see what a dreadful place my mind has taken me to) emails. Thank Goodness for my iPod that blocks out all the people around me at my desk going about their daily business.

It's one of those days I should've rather just spent in bed with my book and a few episodes of something to watch so that I could deny the existence of The World at large. Nothing would exist outside of my bedroom, except perhaps the loo & kitchen (both for purely functional reasons, of course). Then perhaps around now I would've been alright enough to venture to the garden to bask in the sun ... that would improve my mood :) Varen always said watching me walk into the sun was like watching a flower opening. I dunno about that, but the sun is pleasant enough.

I'm in one of those moods where it doesn't matter how many nice or encouraging things someone says or how much you nod and smile to their platitudes, deep down your head is swiping them to the side as absolute lies ... all lies! And it doesn't matter how excited I am about my upcoming trip which should be providing me with brag rights for having experienced one of those once in a lifetime things, usually delegated to something you see on tv by the rest of the population. Or that I'm being my usual independent self about it all ... my mind can take the "Kapow!" right out of all that cool stuff that should be making me feel better. See, my head hates me.

Maybe I just need to eat. Although I've been enjoying my recent breakfasts of strawberries and banana's.


Marc said...

I think it's called "Middle of the Year Syndrome". Seems as if everyone is similarly stuck in this rut. The weekend is near, so hopefully we can all relax, and then come back with a smile on the dial, albeit a fake one ;)

Hope you feel better soon :)

phillygirl said...

I hope that's all it is and it'll be over soon, replaced by something lighter and brighter. But these days I feel like this emotion is constantly brewing below the surface building up until in can envelope me! Yikes, that sounds so melodramatic ;)

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