Friday, June 06, 2008

Book Club and Poker Night

So I'm only just in at work now. I'd love to say it's because I slept late and just didn't give a damn, but it's not, only boys can do that - more on that thought later.

I went for an ultrasound this morning. No, I'm not pregnant. It was one of those "annual" breast check-ups that we girls are supposed to get done. Annual is in quotes because I haven't had min checked since before I move to Joburg - bad phillygirl, I know. It didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. Like a whole whack of women out there, I have fibroadenoma. Mine is slightly more prolific than most, but it's nothing serious. In which case, I really should start sticking to that "annually" bit ;) Oh, and so should all of you!

Last night I went to book club. It was fab as always. While I was out, Varen had planned himself a Whiskey & Poker night with the boys. As you can imagine I came home at a reasonable hour after booklub to find them well on their way with 3 whiskey bottles and a bottle of red wine (for 5 guys!) and pizza boxes strewn across the kitchen. Varen stumbled up to bed just after midnight. Which is not especially late really, except for the fact that we'd (I'd) been up at 6am that morning and had to be up again that early this morning. Technically so should he, but he doesn't seemed too fussed about a) spending an hour in the traffic or b) getting home before 6 or 6:30pm (seems early for some people, but I'm home at 4:30pm to make sure the bunnies get to spend some time outside in the daylight - I guess it's about priorities).

And now we're back to my thoughts on the differences between boys & girls. I truly believe that men (in general here, if it doesn't apply to you, you're a special case) don't think consequentially. What I mean by that is that they don't think about the results before making a decision. Ooh, I know what will be fun, let me slide down this 90 degree hill on a skate-board. The fact that there may be no way of stopping himself is of little consequence to him and does not in any way deter him in his decision making. Girls on the other hand, I believe, are all about the consequences. Our minds are running at double time thinking about the possible outcomes of any decision we need take (maybe it's just me ?). Yes, sometimes we may throw caution to the wind, but I believe that's when we've decided that the consequences are manageable or acceptable to us personally. And back to last night. Knowing I needed sleep, I left book club early at around 22h15 having only had 2 glasses of wine with a very nicely cooked meal. Varen and his buddies on the other hand, I'm guessing, didn't think once about the effect their evening would have on them today. And I'm not in anyway saying they shouldn't get together, have a few drinks, a laugh and play poker. I just sometimes wish they'd realise the effect. I did manage to get some seep while they bellowed and screeched at each other downstairs. But Varen certainly wasn't in any waking form when I hopped into the shower this morning. And as much fun as he had last night, I bet he's feeling rather fragile and sleepy right now.

Okay, perhaps this example isn't ideal, because plenty of us (boys and girls) do it while in college etc. but my point wasn't about the drinking and stayin up late ... it's about considering the consequences of your actions before your act on them and knowing your limits. Why is it that women seem to learn their's so much easier than men? Sigh. Too much for a Friday morning. Back to work ...


Sweets said...

interesting thoughts for a Friday morning hehe

christmas time we as a extended family don't give gifts, we write each other letters instead, so my sisters son, 17, who is a very conscientious boy, thinks everything through to the last possible consequence...shocking for a kid his age, wrote me a note to say that what he admires about me is that I am so enthusiastic and impulsive... hmmm... is that a compliment?... I wonder ;) i suppose it is a complicment but honestly... it didn't feel like one!

Anonymous said...

I have to agree with you there, I don't know if we are hardwired to always think about consequences but I find that women tend to think more about how their actions affect others more.

For instance, I don't think men realise what goes into making a meal. It's the shopping to keep the pantry stocked, the prep time for the food, the actual cooking time which all leads to having supper on time. And keeping us waiting for 15 minutes before you come help out with supper may not end the world, but it sure as hell will end my happy mood.

Tell me I am not alone here!

The Divine Miss M said...

I don't think that is a male and a female difference - I think that is a how you were raised and a general personality difference.

I know plenty of girls who don't think about consequences and go out partying during the week etc and I know plenty of boys who plan everything and consider all aspects. Just depends on how you were raised, and as you said earlier what your priorities are. Nothing wrong with every so often having a blowout during the week - we all do it occaisonally.

I'm exceptionally impulsive. More since I've moved here and have the opportunities to be. I barely plan anything in advance for my private life and love it that way.

@kosherdosa - again I think that is just how you were raised, if your mother cooked all the meals and you never participated of course you don't know the effort that goes into it. But if you are like my male housemate who loves to cook then you plan every meal and ingredient and love shopping for it and understand the whole procedure.

I think it is really unfair to say that all woman consider their actions on everyone and all men don't. And those who don't aren't an exception to the norm.

Unfortunately perhaps you've just only met the ones who don't? Because really, there are PLENTY of men who do!

MidniteGem said...

I'm with Miss M here... I really dont think that it is a male/female difference thing..I think it is a miss conceptions thing and an inability to understand that all people - male or female - do think differently and therefor you cannot judge what guys or girls where thinking when they do certian things.
It happens with people inability to understand peoples will to do extreme sport etc. Like when my bf when to climb aconcagua and went through the most insane ordeal that most people think he is insane and stupid to put himself at such risk. But if you take time to understand it then you will even if you dont think/feel like that and would never do it yourself. (and btw there was a female in his group of climbers)
So you know maybe Varen just needed to have a night to blow off some stream from stresses with his mates. He OF COURSE knows what today entails for his head - but to him it was worth it. Its not like he does it everynight or even everyweek.

I'm sorry if this seems harsh ...but you sound like someones mother or grandmother for that matter.

@kosherdosa...all men live on their own at some stage and have to cook for themselves..I think it is when woman make it their palce to cook dinner that what you say happens. Personally my bf does most of the cooking

Tamara said...

Men don't think of the consequences coz they leave the women to deal with them.

Example: they don't think that if they leave their discarded bolognaise-spill-covered jacket on the floor in a heap, it won't get washed and they'll have nothing warm to wear to the braai or show two days later. Why? Coz the lady of the house is sure to pick it up off the floor, spritz it liberally with Cleen Green or the like, wash it, iron it and hang it up in his cupboard, ready to wear when he needs it.

Simple example, but you catch my drift.

Anonymous said...

@The Divine Miss M & MidniteGem

You are absolutey right, I was generalising, that was my mistake. I don't think all men and all women fit into certain moulds.

My only excuse is that it's a Friday and it's been a long week and the post clearly hit a nerve :(

The Divine Miss M said...

@tamara - I feel sorry for you if you have a boyfriend like that. He obviously is just used to someone doing everything for him. That isn't a male thing, he was just brought up like that most likely.

If you STOP doing it then he'll stop leaving it! Simple.

phillygirl said...

@missm & midnitegem - I think if you read closely I *did say* that the staying up late thing wasn't actually a good example of what I was trying to express ... it was just something that reminded me of it.

and @missm, I would also like to believe that if you stopped doing the things the man in your life / house doesn't do that he will buck up and do it. Sadly he generally won't. And why is that... because of exactly what @MidniteGem mentioned, men and women and people in general think differently - see Defending the Caveman :) He's only magically going to start doing something about it if it one day starts bugging him. But that's all more about cleaning up after ones-self and thats not what my post was about either.

Perhaps it is just my bad luck to have only had relationships with men who generally (and generally here implies generalisation before you all fly off the handle again) don't consider the consequences of their actions, but by some of the other comments I can tell I'm clearly not alone in sometimes feeling this way either ... although I still think it is a trait more common in men. And let's also remember, this is all just my opinion ... I haven't done a study into the matter, it's all based on personal experience (like most ideas and opinions in life).

I will close with a "clearly the point was mostly missed due to my shoddy example and taking mere opinion way too literally" - although I do think the skateboard example I mentioned was more suited to my point.

MidniteGem said...

@tamara - that is funny stuff! I'm the one of the house that leave clothes lying everywhere, my bf does all the laundry and the cooking ...and alot of the cleaning. I vacum (sp?) cause my asthma isnt as bad as his but only when he reminds me. Am i like a typical guy?? lol

@Kosherdosa - looks like we have all had a hectic week! Hope you have a good weekend :)

The Divine Miss M said...

See I still disagree with you on that skateboard thing. Not all boys do that, only a special group of PEOPLE and it isn't just boys who do that. Plus half of the reason that they do it is because you have no way of stopping yourself, that is half the fun.

That is half of the fun of my climbing - is the fear factor of the simple truth that I could die. It isn't about weighing up every single option and deciding on the best course of action. You just do it.

And seriously, if you stopped cleaning up after your boyfriend and doing all the things that his mother might have done he will actually do them himself. Stop having a maid and pretty quickly he'll be cleaning things himself.

I think that is a SOUTH AFRICAN thing because we're so used to having someone else clean up after us that we are incapable of doing it ourselves.

All my male friends over here do their own share of cleaning over here. I might not live with a boyfriend but I do live with another male and he cleans as much as I do as does his own laundry and doesn't expect ANYONE else to clean up after him.

Was the same with the other 4 males that I've lived with.

Yes, perhaps you do get the short end of the stick with men.

Only thing I can say is that perhaps all those girls who have to clean up after their men stop treating them like children and they might grow up?

Oh and midnightgem said that it isn't men and woman who think different but PEOPLE who do. Seriously. It isn't a sex thing it is a PEOPLE thing.

Tamara said...

I shared a house with 23 other people in my gap year. One guy was from New Zealand, one from the States, another from Bots... The guys's rooms were ALWAYS messier than the girls rooms and they stank. Sies!

Back to the topic, while there are men that think about consequences and women that don't, you have to admit that the two sexes are generally wired differently.

Philly: I reckon your skateboard illustration was great. Maybe it applies not so much to men as to people under a certain age or maturity level. Seeing girls tend to mature or settle down faster (you can't argue that - science proves it), we just get frustrated when th men in our lives aren't there yet.

MidniteGem said...

hmmm...yeah I think this is all about excuses and putting people in boxes and I REALLY dont beleive in putting people in boxes. It drives me in insane when people try to do it to me. Anyways that is just my humble opinion (and def not me flying off any dont want to see that - it normally involves many swear words) Debate is one of the greatest things in life - it keeps it interesting.
I really disagree with the skateboarding analgy (i really cant spell - sorry am dislexic) If the idea of maturity is the overthinking and over anaylysing of consequeses to the point that you are living with fear then I think that you stop really living life. And if that is a sign of maturity and what us "girls" cordon on to earlier I hope I never do.
Go head first down that hill with no idea how you are going to stop and you'll be surprised that most times it will be alright...and those few that arent well you get a bit hurt and you pick yourself up and carry on living.
I do think that guys and girls are "wired" differently but i dont think that should be used to box people. I still do believe that it is more about different people.

sorry about the long comment... but here is the last one... we are living in the 21st century - not in the 50's so do the woman that live with their men have to fit into that old school lifestyle? I know i would have probably scared those guys you are talking about off since I would just continue to make a mess till we both pitched in. well that seems to work for me. LOL

Mr Jones said...

Wow - a bit of feminist rant or is everyone pulling everyone leg here? Well here my two pence worth - yes there is a difference between men and women - on average I believe women are more likely to think of the consequences of their actions more than men and are more practical because of that. That said I thing in the urban areas of the UK, men have started to change, as they live on their own or their girlfriends dont nanny them or they are gay and just love putting on a pinny. Ok Joke.. I do think its how you mummy and daddy bring you up.. which is what Miss M said. I have straight Male friends that are tidier than their girlfriends, more caring, pick their girlfriend when she is pissed etc..I have gay male friends who are slobs - it just goes to show that the world is made up of lots of wonderfully different people - would'nt it be so dull if we were all the same? Peace to all - have a wonderful weekend Miss PG.

The Blonde Blogshell said...

That is sooo true Phillygirl!!

It must be a testosterone thing...I think that when boys get together with boys, they become macho and try and match the other dudes. If one guy is drinking another beer, the other guy wont sit there thinking: hmmm...I've had enough...oh no! They need to match each other!!


I agree with Miss M and co... it is about being raised a certain way, but boys do get macho with each other!!

ExMi said...

my heart skipped a beat when you said you went for an ulatrasound.

was very relieved when you said you weren't pregnant.

people always expect me to be excited for them when they tell me they're knocked up.

I'm just like 'am I supposed to be excited for you when I know what a hard time you're in for?'

Anyway. I'mstill blogging, though only once a week. Did you remove me from your blog roll coz you dont love me anymore?

Feeling abandoned.

phillygirl said...

I never once said or implied that the cleanliness of your man or his ability to pick up after himself had anything to do with consequence-based thinking ...

@exmi - no, am still keeping up with your blog via my rss (jees, your little boy is growing fast!) and will re-add you to the roll when you're back into your usual swing of things - I would def go nuts with such erratic 3G access :(

AngelConradie said...

now why on earth would anyone (any man) want to put off till the weekend- what may give them a headache today!!?!?

Unknown said...

I would like to know how to contact you about your poker nights? I sell stunning pink poker sets at, think you'd like them and they're only R249!

phillygirl said...

@boyboy - you can reach me on Had a look at your website but could find no mention of the pink poker sets?

Blog Widget by LinkWithin