Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Another Monday

Nothing much exciting to report, a Monday night as per the usual. Varen wasn't feeling well at all (not the usual!) and came home and practically went straight to bed with lots of water and a few panado & disprin (he had a head ache, I gather). So I went off and did our required grocery shopping on my own and then headed off to gym. On the up side, he was at least feeling better a little later and after a quick laze in a hot bath, he had dinner dished up and waiting for me (sometimes he's just the sweetest thing!).

And that was the entire evening!

Honestly tho, I do have other stuff swirling round my head from a minor emotional collapse on Sunday's drive home from the farm but I'm currently keeping it under lock and key and hoping if I ignore it it'll turn out not to have been as big an issue as my head was choosing to make of it - my head often seems to gang up against me and create charming little neurosis for me to fret over. Personally I despise it for that fact. So for now, I am accepting my distinctly average life (average of my peers mind you, I understand it's not neccessarily average in terms of people of the world at large) for what it is and the joy and pain it brings me ... and trying not to wish to hard for the greener grasses in someone else's field (too much analogy there?). Admitedly I'm not lusting after anyone specific's life, I am lusting after the life I dreamed of for myself ... but I said I didn't want to talk about it so let me stop right there before I get myself worked up and marginally depressed again.


Sweets said...

one of those moments~! moments like that should not be ignored, you only have one life after all... and if you're not satisfied then you should maybe change things? but i know too little about your situation to give my opinion :)

the analogy was quite funny actually especially if you were driving over green rolling hills at the time LOL

cheer up!

boldly benny said...

I hear you - I TOTALLY hear you ;-)

AngelConradie said...

hhmmm... i second "boldly benny"- but luckily i only really get like that when i'm pms'ing.

phillygirl said...

@sweets - you are right ... but that's not too appropriate in the current situation. My issues are more along the lines of "I dream of building my own house" and whatnot. Things that all required vast buckets of cash, which I do not currently have and am beginning to loose faith in ever acquiring (I guess that's one of the illusions that you lose as one gets older ;)) Mebbe I'll just buy myself a lotto ticket ;)

I dunno, it just sorta feels like I'm waiting for the green light on so many things. Even if I could start on my dream house (I know some people build as they can afford), where do I wanna live, Joburg or back in Cape Town with my family. See .... makes it tricky to go forward when I don't have the answers I need. Becomes frustrating :(

@benny - I know, and I hope you feel better soon too!

@angel - hmmm, that coulda been it ;)

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