Thursday, October 02, 2008

Another Day

Another day. I'm still here, still surviving. Feel slightly more upbeat today (might be because i actually saw Varen last night :) ) but still the overall haunts me. There's only so practical one can be before falling into a mess of sobs at the things beyond your control ...

7 comments:

Man of Ideas said...

Life can be a dread.....or it can be very exciting.

Most important is to think positive ... always.

Tamara said...

Hang on there, friend. It's sure to get better soon. Shout if you need someone to come around with a bottle of tequila and a box of tissues.

hehe... don't worry, I know that's not really your style (or mine), but shout if I can do anything. Hold a punching bag for you, maybe?

Being Brazen said...

Hugs*

sleepyjane said...

I hope that things start looking up for you soon Phillygirl. {hugs}

Chan said...

I don't get why you say you're not very connected to Varen because you have hardly seen each other the past week, if it only takes one week to feel like that what is your relationship based on? What if he went away on a business trip for 2 weeks...or if you had to do long distance, would it last then? You don't have to physically spend time with someone almost everyday to be close and connected. That's just what I think. Maybe you should consider what your relationship is based on if you feel like that....you don't have to share thoughts and feelings all the time either, as long as you know the other person is there for you etc. sometimes people are going thorugh their own crap and you can't always be so involved in another person when you've got your own stuff to worry about.

phillygirl said...

@moi - definitely ... just not always so easy to do :)

@tamara - careful, I just might take you up on that suggestion!

@bb - thanks!

@jane - I think they will ... it's just a timing thing.

@chan - I don't think the disconnected feeling is a constant thing, it's more momentary. And it's mostly because when you are in a bad place, you look to your partner to support you and hopefully be the one to help you out of a funk. But when you're both going thru separate things at the same time, neither of you can be there for the other in the way that you'd hope to be. So what I'm saying is I know he needs my support, but it's hard to give because I'm using it to hold myself up. And in the same way that I need some love and attention from him right now when I'm feeling blue, he just simply doesn't have the time/energy left for me. And that leaves one feeling disconnected. We do speak to each other a lot during the day, but because our heads are so focussed on what we're each going thru, the conversations are not very upbeat.

We have done 2+ weeks apart before and we've been fine. I think when you're physically away from someone (ie. a business trip overseas) the expectation is different, you're not expecting to see them for the next 2 weeks. Whereas when they're randomly working late (and often I have an expectation of seeing him only to find out that yet again he's working till midnight), it's hard to balance those expectations. It's a mindset. You think someone is "home" (not overseas), but you never see them. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but it's the best way I can explain it. Also, because I'm blue ... I tend to blow things out of proportion and minor bumps become the biggest issue ever ... but sometimes they really are big issues. So I can understand that just from reading and me not being very specific, it's hard for a reader to tell the difference.

Tamara said...

Well replied to Chan, Philly. I find that if TSC and I don't get to chat for a few nights in a row, I feel disconnected too. Not because I feel our relationship is at risk, but just because I enjoy getting to talk with him and I'm used to us being able to share even the smallest details of our days. When you're expecting to be able to have a good chat and then you don't end up seeing the person it has to be a bit of an anticlimax.

And feel free to take me up on the suggestion at any time! Or to let me know if there's anything else I can do.

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