Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Blue Funk

Oh yes, I am supposed to blog this morning ... often this is a fabulous task that I relish. Lately it's become a bit of a chore. It's not blogging per say, it's me. My mood is not on a high, nor do I see it getting back up there anytime soon. It's not like I'm miserable or anything ... I think worn down or slowly eroded is a better way to describe it. I feel drained by life. And maybe it is just that usual year-end type stuff, but I'm not completely convinced. Things seem to be mostly mediocre in all aspects of life. Although I'm still mostly enjoying work ... except the fact that I have to actually work everyday, but I think that's quite a common malady - who wouldn't rather spend the morning lazing in bed until your body decides it's had enough sleep and then swanning about all morning getting things done while alternatively relaxing and enjoying the sunshine?

Varen & I aren't very connected at the moment. I don't think it's to do with the elephant, although that's not helping. It's more to do with the fact that I have hardly seen him in the last week. For the most part that makes me miss him and really enjoy the moments when he's around ... on the other hand tho, you get used to not having someone in your space. It's a bit of a catch 22. And it's especially hard for me to be understanding and accommodating to him while I'm in this weird blue funk. Mostly I just seem to disconnect.

And then there's friends and family. There's an ongoing family niggle that's mine alone to deal with. But it's reared it's ugly head very recently and has just added to my mindset. And friends ... well, who knows. Mostly I've been feeling anti-social lately. I was sorta dreading book club last night, and for half the night when I didn't know what to say to most of the people there, because I've long since learnt that they don't really care about what's going on in your life ... or rather if they do, it's really only at these monthly intervals, but did end up having a pretty good evening out with them. It's become a weird group. I guess it's just weird because I started it but it seems to have been hijacked a bit by some of the others ... it's more about them and the friends they're already seeing more than twice a week (just my own personal guestimation here) so they're chatting away like normal, already knowing exactly what's been happening in each other's lives leaving the rest of us (maybe it's just me?) to feel left out or rude and nosy when we try to join in and actually figure out what the conversation is about. On the other hand the thing that I'm liking (although is probably not good for me) is having different groups of people. I'm seeing the bookclub girls monthly, the poker girls monthly, the bloggirls monthly ... and no one overlaps. It nice for me to spend time with different people, but I'm left not really connecting with anyone.

There's so much more I could say about all sorts of things going on in my head (around thee issues, in more detail), but I won't. It's just my round about way of apologising for the particularly boring blog-posts of late :)


boldly benny said...

I hear you! I'm a bit blah lately! I'm trying to focus on things that make me happy and I'm so excited to move in with MM but I'm in a strange space!

Tamara said...

You're not being boring, you're being real and that's why I read you! Maybe your holiday will help?

Lopz said...

Maybe you need a big change. Move to a different country, try a different job... do something drastic that will shake things up massively.

I realise what I'm suggesting is not exactly as easy as changing your taste in shoes or something, and it might be completely unfeasible, but if there is any way you could take a huge risk somewhere, perhaps that would help to lift you out of the funk?

If I think of other ways to take huge risks that don't involve moving to the North Pole, I'll let you know!

Hugs xxx

po said...

I can identify with your blue mood, I am in the same funk right now. Strangely I use blogging by cheering myself up by trying to amuse myself. It works for a bit. I hope things improve for you.

Mr Jones said...

Well Blog blues happen - its exiciting when it starts, you make new on-line "friend" , you vicariously live your live through others.. then despondency sets. We all have felt it. Just look at why you do it, what you want from etc .. and maybe you need a break from all those girl groups and hang out with the boys too...? Maybe its too much girl powergames .. These elephants as well - cant you just tell them to piss off.. so to to speak?

phillygirl said...

@benny - good idea, but sometimes it's so hard to see past the mundane day-to-day blah bits!

@tamara - thanks hon :) I'm really hoping it will!!

@lopz - a huge change would probably make a difference ... but sadly the elephants are causing a pause on things like that. Well, I could do them, but I'd be doing them alone if I did and I'm certainly not up for leaving Varen behind.

@po - thanks :)

@mrjones - it's not really blog-blues ... it's just that my mood in the real life is filtering into my posts. I tend not to like talking about these things too much here, but because my mind is so focused on these things bothering me, there's not much left to write about.

Sadly every time we try to boot the elephants, it turns out they won't fit thru the door ... so unless we rip a wall or two down, they're staying put for now. Okay, me thinks this metaphor has gotten a bit beyond itself ;)

The Jackson Files said...

I hope you feel better soon Phillygirl. The thing with blue funks, is that they do go away eventually, so keep the faith and all.

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