Tuesday, March 03, 2009

swirling thoughts

Not much to say this morning. I wrote out my dilemma post, but I won't be publishing it. I still feel weird about the situation. But I think that's more a reflection of my current mood and mindset than anything else.

Made dinner last night, chicken breast stuffed with cheese, red peppers and spinach. I thought it sounded divine, I wasn't that impressed with the end result tho ... but Varen really seemed to like it (he finished off 3 of the 4 stuffed chicken breasts!). Am feeling a bit down right now. Sigh. I dunno why. I know there are plenty of people worse off than me, plenty of people stuck in places in their lives they don't wanna be ... and yet I can still find the examples of people who's lives seem better, more put-together, people who stuck to the prescribed story better than I did - isn't it sad that at almost 29 I still can't escape the fact that my brain thinks there's a prescribed story-line for how life should go?! Some people get it right.More people don't. Why is it so upsetting to me that I haven't (it's not really when I think about it long and hard and I rationalise it all ... then I'm quite happy with how things have turned out and what I have planned)? Are the people who have really that much happier than the rest of us? You see the silly things that keep me up at night ?!


Janine / Being Brazen said...

I so feel the same way as this sometimes. I also sometimes feel that I havent got it "right" yet - but seriously what is "right" anyway???

hope you feel more perky soon *hugs*

Flying Lessons said...

Hi, I've been following your blog for a while but this is my first comment. I know exactly how you feel. I turned 30 on Sunday and for the 1st time in my life I actually do what I love and I'm really in a good place in my life...but still I feel like should have it more together and be more organised and and and... maybe it's just the age we are at. I'm 30 but feel 25 and and love it but I feel like I should act 30 even though I don't want to...it's all very confusing

Tamara said...

I wish you would publish your dilemma post, but I understand that you don't. And I don't think you're being silly at all.

You're obviously in a tough space and I'm very tempted to bring out all the platitudes in an attempt to make you feel better. I'll try to refrain though seeing I think it would just piss you off in the end.

Some of the most extraordinary people that ever lived didn't follow a conventional life path. I look at some of my friends who returned to varsity in their 30s or had kids in their 40s... They didn't choose the traditional way of doing things, but they took choices towards what they wanted and it's worked for them.

I guess we've all just got to define what we want and pursue it. If only it was that simple IRL!

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