Thursday, May 07, 2009

What To Say?

Yesterday was a pretty decent day, got a lot done in a little time :) Love that.

Also went to book club and I noticed something rather odd. Yes, we have two preggie ladies and our conversations inevitably turn to all things baby. But I find I censor some of what I might've said a lot more now ... You can share exciting news of someone else you know announcing their pregnancy and all sorts of comical pregnancy stories you read around the web. But there are things I just feel I can't talk about (perhaps "can't" is too strong a word, I guess it feels inappropriate somehow) ... like telling the story of my cousin dying after giving birth (we found out that she had HELLP Syndrome and after giving birth they actually thought she'd be fine ... till her liver ruptured and that was pretty much that - apparently all the hospital staff were quite devastated because they've never had a maternity death before!) or mentioning a story I heard on a podcast recently about Ghana's spirit children (I have conflicting views about this whole story but I think it makes for an interesting discussion).

I feel like you can mention all the good stuff but you really wanna steer clear of any negative stories about pregnancy or children. It is kinda weird, I guess. Do other people feel like that? Is it just me being weird and overly cautious or is it some kind of ingrained social consideration thing in everyone?

And, best of all, while I was at book club, Varen was home slaving over a hot stove, or rather oven. He decided now that it's getting to be winter (and Cape Town winter at that, with all this rain!) he wanted to make Oxtail for dinner one night ... but it has to cook for 3 hours. Luckily it's apparently better the next day, so we'll be having that for dinner tonight - yay. I don't think I've ever eaten Oxtail before. He also packed me a lunch for today, how lucky am I?


Flying Lessons said...

I know exactly what you mean about negative pregnancy stories. But my problem is that since I don't have kids yet I don't have many pregnancy stories and whenever I'm with a pregnant woman, the only stories I can remember are bad stories...I try, but I can never remember positive stuff.

Tamara said...

I LOVE oxtail! Yum. Enjoy it.

Glad to hear things are a bit better.

You know my feelings on pregancy talk ;-)

But maybe we don't talk about the negative stuff because it might freak the pregnant women out? I figure they have enough to worry about without hearing scary stories.

The Divine Miss M said...

Well isn't that the same for just about anything really?

Someone has cancer or family member does you'll talk about all the people you know who've survived it but you won't talk about those who have.

Someone has a job interview you'll only give positive vibes you won't talk about not getting it.

Sort of makes sense really?

Louisa said...

The negative thing is freaking me out a bit at the moment. I have two close friends that insist on telling me all the horrible things that can go wrong. I'm not seeing either one of them again till I'm past 13 weeks and that's that. (I already know all these things, but I don't want to think about them at the moment).

I promise it's not the only thing I'm going to be talking about for the next few months...if I do please let me know that the crazy mommy hormones have taken me hostage so I can get some perspective...please?

AngelConradie said...

Definitely a good thing to steer away from the bad news and dire stories when speaking to pregnant women.

Caz said...

I think it's kind not to talk about the negative preg stories, except perhaps one on one to good friends and within a context. When I was pregnant with Sophia people would honestly corner me and tell me horrific and disgusting things. I think these days I would tell them were to shove their stories and guarantee them that whatever story they try scare me with I have one better (ok,.. i sense a bit of bitterness creeping in!! haha) but ya. Wise pregnant women are mildly paranoid as is, it doesnt help them to hear awful stuff which, I suppose, is why I am now the one biting my tongue in these situations as these ladies gush on as if it is a given that at the end of it, they will have a perfect, healthy baby. Inside I am screaming that its not that simple, that they need to prepare themselves, they need to be realistic and wise up. But outside I nod and smile and burn with envy.
Ya... so I may need to make another visit to that shrink...!

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