Monday, October 11, 2010

Goodbye Naz

Well, that was one of the longest weekends I've had in a while ... emotionally. Not long after my post on Friday morning I found out that one of my SCM Dinner friends had died in a car accident in the early hours of Friday morning. He was only 26.


Friday was a very long day at work with many phone calls between friends and, as you can imagine, I wasn't up for doing anything but crawling into bed and watching Series on Friday night.

On Saturday we all met up for what was supposed to be another of our SCM friend's birthday celebrations at Molly's, but turned out to be more about remembering. We finished the evening up with a vodka-lime at Red Room in memory of our lost friend. It was an emotionally exhausting day.

Sunday was better, I went and spent the afternoon lazing outdoors at Rocking the Gardens. Exactly what I needed.

As you can imagine, I've done a lot of thinking this weekend ... about life, the universe and everything. It was another one of those "life is short" wake up calls. And I'll admit I was sad to realise that even with all my friends in Joburg who I could've gone to if I needed a hug, when something like this happens and all you want to do is hold the people dearest to you near and tell them never to forget you love them ... I realised that none of the people I wanted to do that to are in Joburg with me. It's easy to be in a relationship when something like this happens, you have someone to comfort you and someone you can hold tight and be grateful for. Don't misunderstand me here, I wouldn't wish this on anyone I know and am grateful for all my friends. But it's different when you love someone and are expecting to spend the rest of your life closely entangled with them, you know.

And you think of all the things you hope you'll have done before you die. I hope before I die I've met someone that I want to spend forever with ... I hope that I'll have had children. I hope I'll have had grandchildren. And sadly not all of that is within my control. Although my bucket list on the side panel here is filled with places to visit, they're not the things I'm really hoping I'll have done before I die. I mean, obviously, they're like bonuses and I do want to do them. But they are within my control and I can decide. The ones that really frustrate me, and I guess become more valuable because of it, are the ones I can't just make happen for myself. Of course I know I could have a kid on my own, and one day I might, but ideally I'd prefer to be having that kid with someone special to me.

I dunno, all of this seems a very clumsy way to try to explain what's been happening in my head for the last few days.

Yes, it's been an emotional weekend.


Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry about your friend. x

Tamara said...

Sorry about Naz :-( Sending you big hugs.

boldly benny said...

Sorry for your loss my friend! I completely understand where your head is at. It reminded me of this post:

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry my friend. I know how shocking all of this must have been for you. This too shall pass. (((hugs)))

tanyadeville said...

i'm so sorry :(
these things really do work so hard on your emotions and make your think about your own mortality

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