Friday, November 30, 2012


Am a tumble of nerves today. The Trucker is off to see his therapist at some point during the day. I can't help but be terrified and know that I have a pretty good chance of writing on Monday morning that I find myself single again. :( I'd love to have even the vaguest idea of the odds here, but I really don't. It's tricky being in a place of trying to be hopeful but also preparing yourself for the worst. I'd love nothing more than for him to say hey, actually yeah, I'd love to have kids with you in the next few years, I think we can do it together. But based on his history (his previous break-up, which admittedly was 3yrs ago in January) and his gut reaction to our discussions already, as much as that's what I want to hear, I am more than 50% not expecting that to be the outcome. :( This totally sucks.

We've mostly had a good week. On Wednesday I went to watch Potted Potter at Montecasino with some friends. I loved it. Seriously it was quite brilliant. The 2 guys we saw, Gary & Jesse, were spot on.

The Trucker went out with @Toxic_Mouse and came over afterwards. This is where my week took a turn for the nervous. I dunno, maybe it's just all been in my head. After being almost positive in the first half of the week where The Trucker was adoring and wonderful, things changed on Wednesday night. I dunno, maybe we saw each other a little too much this week with all this stress hanging over us, maybe he just had one of those chats with his BFF, who while I like, isn't exactly the right perspective on what we're going thru (him being recently single and with no interest in kids, ever). Anyway, it is what it is. I can't change what'll happen from here ...

Last night The Trucker came over for an early dinner of Tuna Salad. It was such a nice evening to sit and eat outside :) And then we headed East to go watch a friend of his at her Roller Derby practice. Since watching Whip It! I was super keen. But this wasn't as good. It was just a practice and the rink was quite small. I think it has the same problem that The Trucker's Sunday cricket does ... we can't see the score, we barely know who won each round, we weren't invested in any particular team. Either way, I think it's pretty cool, although I'd be too terrified of the "contact" part to try.

Anyhoo. That's been my week. Stomach churning. I feel quite ill right now.

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