Monday, January 21, 2013

This is My Life

Urgh. Monday. Again. Not in an especially great place this morning. Woke up in one of those "This is Your Life" Moods. You know, where life is passing you by and you're plodding along doing the same thing week in and week out. And while yes, I know, these happen while you're in a relationship too, it just feels so much more overwhelming when I feel like I have this whole thing hanging over my head.

It's like this insurmountable thing I have to achieve :( Find. A. Mate. Find someone who'll be there for the long term. Find someone who wants a family more than going out and getting drunk and being irresponsible (I know most people seem to do this automatically once in a relationship, because they no longer feel they *have* to go out and what not). Find someone who contributes, emotionally, with ideas for what to do and dreams and physically when things need doing. #sigh

More weekend realisations that while I'm fine alone, it's not fun alone. I found myself missing The Trucker this weekend. On these lovely rainy afternoons while watching series. I remember missing someone in my space while I was single between Varen and The Trucker too. I remember thinking I wouldn't find someone to fill it again. I did. And now he's gone too. There'll probably be someone else ... eventually. I'm remember all the little things of how we got together ... because I'm wondering how it'll ever happen again. I know I did this last time I was single too. And it did happen again and in a totally different way. But I can't imagine it again. I'm still sad. I still miss him. I'm angry that he couldn't figure things out. I'm angry that everyone around me seems to have found someone (and I also, if I stop to think logically, know this isn't true). But, me, I want to be one of those ones who has it figured out. I need to start writing blog posts I don't start crying during :P Every single person I know complains bitterly about meeting people. Yet I can't seem to face internet dating again ... Where do we meet people anymore?

Anyway, that said, I had a pretty good weekend. Lots of lazing around watching series (now that my hard drive is fixed and a new one has been ordered). On Friday night tho, I went to a girl-friend from work's. We drank wine and ate Steers and chatted the night away. Seriously, it went from 21h30 to 00h30 in the blink of an eye. So that was good :)

Did some admin on Saturday morning, buying the rest of the electrical supplies I need for the job to get finished on Wednesday. Put in the rest of the LED bulbs. Loving it :) And then I went on a lemon/lime tree mission. The dream was to find a grafted tree that included both, sadly that proved impossible. But I did find a nice little Lime tree, so I can use both the fruit and the (dried) leaves - could only find these trees at Earthland. Everywhere else just has the plain old boring limes. So have added that to the mix :)

On Saturday evening I headed out to the Vale for a house party (for Bokkie's girlfriend's birthday) ... with a James Bond theme. I wore my new coral dress. Looked awesome :) Sadly the pic I took does not do justice to the colour of the dress at all ... It was not quite what I was expecting. I think I've gotten too old for the house parties I remember. Or maybe everyone is too coupled up? Anyway, it was still an okay evening and fun to get dressed up.

On Sunday I woke up to a gloriously rainy day. I had a little bit of a lie-in with my book and then headed off to get the grocery shopping out of the way. I had a very lazy rest of the day on the couch. And popped past Briguy's to check out his amazing new outdoor area and stock up on some new series. He had this little bat clinging to his gate. Cute thing.

Dear Universe, feel free to surprise me any time now ...

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