Thursday, October 23, 2008

Need Sleep

Today I'm very much in a leave-me-alone mood. I don't think I slept last night. At all.

We started the evening with dinner at F!sh with J9 & Squeak. Their first time and sadly I didn't find it as impressive as the last two times I've been there. Naturally I had my all-time (usually) favourite, Salmon Teriyaki. Oddly enough, the piece of salmon was too big, which meant there wasn't quite enough sauce to go round. And the Wasabi Mash was luke-warm. But the evening was still pleasant.

Except that on the drive home Varen and I had a fight over something minor and stopped speaking to each other. Which continues even now ... I hate that things can't be resolved quickly ... or more especially before bed :( Anyway, so I tossed and turned and over-heated all night. I ended up going to sleep downstairs at 1am in the hopes that the cooler temperature would aid my rest ... I went back up to bed around 5am. And got up for work just over an hour later. Not a very peaceful night :(

And I'm lying on my blog ... well not really lying but definitely censoring and not letting what's in my head spill over onto the page. There's a lot going on up there. And either because I know who's reading or simple because I don't want to share it with the world or even more probably because I don't want to think about stuff long enough to write it out, it's left swirling up there. Needless to say I'm not a very happy person lately. More importantly (to me), I've been trying to think about the people in my life who bring me joy rather than annoyance or frustration or disappointment (this last emotion is what I feel most often when I think of people) ... and the list is very very short. Scary short. Sometimes thinking about that makes me want to up and leave and run away and start somewhere new and fresh ... or as an extreme alternative to become some sort of hermit. More tho, I want to know how one meets new people, meets new outstanding, influential-in-your-life sort of people, meets people who will be life-long friends ... in my 28 years of life I, sadly, seem not to have figured this secret out.


boldly benny said...

Oh I'm terrible when I don't get enough sleep. In fact, I tend to get quite emotional when I'm overtired.

I'm sorry that you're in a difficult space and that you are unable to write about it. I hope you find some clarity - perhaps you should try writing or typing it out just for you. Often when I'm going through big stuff, I write blog posts that I have no intention of publishing, I just need to get it out of my head.

I think it is great that you are focusing on the people that bring joy to your life. No matter how small that group is, I would encourage that as a means to attracting more positive people to your life. I know I used to have a bad habit of focusing on the wrong people, I've since learnt and I'm a lot happier for it. I think you do a great job of putting yourself out there, for example The Bloggirls Lunch and I'm sure you've met terrific people for it!

po said...

I have no answers to that at all. The only way I know to meet really good friends is by doing an activity that you really enjoy and meeting other like minded people. I like climbing and met most of my good friends that way. Although now they are scattered all over the world so I never see them.

So that is a good point, I need to meet new friends too!

The Jackson Files said...

I'm sorry that things are a bit sucky right now - maybe your trip to Europe, and those two weeks on your own are just what you need.

phillygirl said...

@benny - yep lack of sleep does something weird to usually perfectly normal personalities :) I have thought about doing those non-published posts ... but I've never actually found the time to just sit and write. But perhaps that's a good idea in future :)

@po - yeah is hard when trying to meet people based on an activity ... I dunno that I'm that good at that. I've tried (and succeeded to be fair) with the bloggirls lunches :) So that's a plus!

@tjf - yep, I'm sure just being away from real life and on holiday in a new place will be a relief. Hope I don't come crashing down on my return tho ;)

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