Friday, December 07, 2012

A Little Better ...

Shew. Longest week ever. Last night was my first evening home alone for the whole night (as in I didn't head out for some type of dinner-time distraction ... obviously I was sleeping alone all week :P). Perhaps watching Grey's and Private Practice wasn't the smartest move ;) Haha.

I am feeling better today tho. Make no mistake I'm still frustrated at my situation and would love to change it back, but I think I've accepted that without some kind of drastic change or compromise on his part (that I don't believe is coming) nothing is going to change between us. I went for my therapy appointment yesterday. It was about as helpful as an hour with someone who is just trying to get to know you and listen to your problems could be. It's expensive tho, shew. But I think I'll try to go monthly from now. Just to get myself on track.

I think this week of hearing and talking to people has really helped. I don't think a single person has question this reason for breaking up with someone. I think I've accepted that, love him as I do, he is just not in the same life place as me. As my therapist put it, he is in the building phase of his life. There is no space for thoughts of nesting. Even if it's 2-3 years in the future. No more dating younger boys. Apparently I need a more stringent interview process for prospective boyfs. Clearly :P

Ha. And I spent the last year thinking that his ex girlf was silly for breaking up with him for the very same reason when she didn't seem to be any closer to where she wanted to be now. 3 years later she's not in a relationship (that I know of), she's certainly not married and apparently she's going to try the Sperm Donor route. Maybe that will be me in 3 years too?

Damn, where is that magic time machine when I need one. If I could only fast forward The Trucker to 36 or 37 yrs old and stay where I am. Then maybe. But even I know that's unlikely to happen.

Anyway. I'll see him tomorrow at the Wedding. I did consider taking someone else, but I really want to see him (I still like him, remember). And we need to swap our stuff still. I'll be honest, I couldn't have done this earlier this week, on Monday or Tuesday. I think I'm okay now.

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