Thursday, May 16, 2013

It's Not as Easy as it Looks

Urgh. Another meltdown for no reason yesterday evening. I don't know what is going on. But my world has been shaken and I can't figure out how to get it back to sunshine and roses. And really, technically, nothing is wrong.

The poor boy is ill, he went to the doc yesterday and had chest xrays and is on more meds than I was a few weeks back. And I am angry and frustrated and irritated for no reason. This move has thrown me and I can't pin point why. And he's trying to give me solutions, which I don't want or need. I just want to punch something or break it.

Okay, I managed to get past that little outburst last night. But it's a frustrating place to be. When you can't figure out what is upsetting your apple cart.

We took and easy evening at home (last night's plans were postponed to tonight) and we both needed it. We got take-out. I know we shouldn't have, we aren't having a dinner cooked at home from Monday to Saturday. It's not the ideal scenario of a week, but it happens to be this week.

We talked about how we both don't feel the "click" with this new house and neither of us can pin-point why or what it is exactly (I was relieved to hear he felt the same!). We're just not settling in here. Yes, most of our stuff is slowly getting unpacked or hidden in a spare room for another time ... but even that distracts from the immediate chaos, at least. And we're talking about maybe moving back to my little house. Where we were both happy. I don't think we'll do that. Not yet at least. I want to give us some time to try and settle here. The space, which should be making us happy, is making the house feel distant.

The Trucker said it also took a while for him to adjust to the space of his previous place after the place before. Maybe that's all we need, some time. Time for it to feel like home? Will that feeling come over time? And really, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this house, it's a very nice house ... so what is wrong with us?

Last time, when I moved into my home, it was instantaneous. I was immediately home, even before my furniture arrived. I felt settled and at peace in the space. I dunno, this space is rubbing me all the wrong ways. And it's an exhausting problem to fix. It's not one I'm familiar with or know how to handle. Everything feels wrong and out of place when I look around. I feel like I'm staying in a hotel, somewhere transitory. It has everything I need, but it doesn't comfort my soul. True, we haven't had a restful night in (till last night) ... we have just been sleeping there and storing all our worldly possessions there.

I hope it changes. I need it to change. But it makes sense for us to stay there for now, while we're waiting to see where the rest of this year goes ...

Am not currently a happy camper :( (ah, as I read that simple comment,  the literalness of it is frightening)

And the animals are weird and not helping. Gypsy is hunting Lily every moment that they're in the garden together (you can even see it so clearly in this photo!). We've booked Gyps in for her spaying next week. The girls are both impossible to round up when it's time to go back in the house / back in the hutch. Rex is such a go-with-the-flow even tempered guy <3

Hugs, lots of hugs. At least, on the plus side, Mom's flights to Jozi for a week in July are booked :)

1 comment:

Louisa said...

Oh no! It sucks that you don't feel a click with your new place. Hopefully it will grow on you, how long did you sign a lease for?

Blog Widget by LinkWithin