Friday, December 06, 2013

Sad. Sad. Sad.

Last night I had the surreal experience of watching a girl in the group we were out with (at Stanley Beer Yard) trying to be subtle while switching her wedding ring from her left to her right hand. While talking to some lecherous guy and telling him his friend was a 12 out of 10.

Later in the evening she switched it back to it's rightful place. And then again later, before I left, she switched it off again.

Now this was the first time I've met her, I don't presume to know anything about her. I did ask if she was separated, but no one else knew either. But still, it was a very disconcerting thing to see. It has upset me, to see how easily some people can do that. It did nothing for my mental stability or insecurities.

Thrown into the mix was a fight of epic proportions last night between The Trucker and I. I thought things were on the mend, turns out that light at the end of the Crazy Week tunnel was just a passing flicker.

Today I have barely slept. I have that fight-hangover feeling, which makes me even more needy and need reassurance that everything is actually okay and not completely broken. But we are both to stubborn for me to act like that right now, so we are not talking instead. This is his coping mechanism, not mine. I'm a scream and shout till the problem is resolved or we have no fight left so we make up kinda girl. I find that his method leaves things hanging in the air for days ... I struggle so with it, but he just shuts down completely when he gets properly angry and that leaves no alternative for me. Right now it feels pretty broken and I am sad and my head and heart are both sore. How do we swing to such extremes? When things are good they are *so* good, but when they are bad, yoh!

It's hard at this time of year for me this year, with him. Today is our office xmas party ... last year the xmas party marked 5 days of single. I feel almost exactly like that again. Hollow. But I still have hope, I have to. I love that boy <3

And then, this morning when I got in the car on my way to work, I heard the news. More sad, sad news. Mandela passed away last night. The weather today definitely suits the countries collective mood: sombre and sad.

Today is not a good day. Today sucks. A lot. I think I may go throw up.

1 comment:

Lush... said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Blog Widget by LinkWithin