Monday, December 14, 2009

The Truth Behind Yesterday's Title

So, I guess I should at least say something here, especially for those of you who don't follow twitter.

It's been a very sad two days (which you probably couldn't pick up in yesterday's post because most of it was written on Saturday afternoon). It's official, Varen and I broke up yesterday over breakfast at Doppio Zero.

Now don't worry, we're both pretty okay. We're not angry at each other, it's more a sad acceptance of the right decision.

I won't lie and say it was a complete shock, it's been brewing for a while. The only slightly shocking (with relief) part for me was that he was in the same place. I was putting it off till January, after we got back from our Cape Town holiday. To be fair, I've been putting it off a while, constantly saying to myself, see how things are after Zanzibar, after Canada, after Cape Town. After Zanzibar they got better for a while and I really did have days where I believed this could be "it" again. But after Canada, there were just too many days where there was no way I could do this for the rest of my life.

I'm sure there will be plenty of details still to come, but I don't want to write too much right now. I will say we're both partly responsible for different parts of this failing and it's a sad sad thing. For me, it honestly came to a head when my folks announced their intention to divorce, it made me really take stock of my own relationship and I have woken nearly every morning with that "This is your life" thought in my head. And I knew I couldn't go on like this.

Sadly I truly believe love and the way you feel about someone is not enough, you need to be able to live together, really live and manage real life and each other's ups and downs. But if you can't do that ... well, I guess this is what happens then.

Oddly it is *exactly* 3 years to the day since Bean and I broke up (which probably means I missed some kind of Blogging Anniversary) and means I should start packing myself off for some alone time around the 13th December if I'm ever in a serious relationship again. Apparently the 2 and a half year mark is a death trap for my relationships too.

Ps. Anyone know of a place to rent with a decent garden for the bunnies in the Rivonia area??

Pps. In case you were worried about my holiday home to Cape Town, I booked a ticket there this morning (since Varen was going to drive us down) (let's just say my upgrade to Silver on Discovery Vitality came right when I needed it 25% off Kulula flights made it still affordable!). We won't be spending it together. Still sad, but I know he's right and it's better this way. Gives us each time to recuperate with our families without going on a lovely holiday and coming home believing that maybe it could work and ending up in the same place in another few months. Gawd I hope he doesn't just stay here by himself and work thru Xmas, I'll feel awful :(


Wenchy said...

I'm really sorry to read of your sadness... even when we know something is for the good, it doesn't make the sore of giving up on a dream any less.

Take your time.

PS. My deathtrap of relationships appears to be 7 years...

po said...

That is sad news :( I am sorry to hear it. I hope you are ok.

Louisa said...

I'm sorry it didn't work out, but if it's something that you two agree on it's better you find out now than years from now I guess.

Gimme a shout if you want to chat.

AngelConradie said...

Big hugs P... no matter the circumstances, this is never easy.

Unknown said...


Anonymous said...

I am sorry to hear that you and Varen have broken up. All the best for your future! You still have your fur babies to keep you company! Have a fantastic time with your family in C.T. Merry christmas

Tamara said...

This post was like a sucker punch to my gut.

I'm sorry for both of you, but glad to hear you're ok. Big hugs!

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