Pizzas for Lunch

Went to this fab little Italian place for lunch with some of the work gang here at the Second Site ... finally got ourselves organised! Okay, okay it is all the way out in the West, but the pizzas were divine and it was worth a mention :)

It is called Il Capo and unfortunately they have no web presence :( But it's at The Berg Shopping Centre, Gordon Rd in Roodepoort (011 477-8117). The venue leaves much to be desired ... you know the sort, those sticky plastic table cloths and dingy interior. But, their service was good and their pizzas were a fabulous balance of 75% topping to 25% base! Which is just how I like it :)

It's book club this evening and I'm looking forward to it :) This week has certainly sorted itself out. With only one quiet night on Monday, I ended up out for dinner at Lady & Bug's on Tues, last night was Music Group, tonight is Book Club, tomorrow Loulou has tracked down a party for us or apparently Flat Stanley is playing somewhere. Saturday night, Loulou is hosting a fondue dinner at our house and apparently there's another party on the go we might head to after ... and then there'll be much recovery sleeping on Sunday.

So it looks like, aside from the rough start, it's certainly turning into a fabulous week with lots on the go :)

A Night With the Amazing Music Group

Last night I went along to my second Amazing Music Group evening. It was held at a little restaurant in Norwood called, Siam I am (no web presence: Royal Thai Cuisine - 011 728 8972). It's not a bad restaurant although I think it was empty aside from us. The reason it's perfect for Music Group evenings is because they have a separate room at the back we can use and not disturb and other customers they may (or may not) have.

Other than that it wasn't a particularly spectacular Thai experience. The food was fine, not bad at all - I had Red Duck Curry. But I wasn't feeling well last night and I had to leave early (10:30). Aside from not feeling fantastic, Music Group was fun and it's always interesting to be exposed to different types of music, things you'd never hear on the radio ... I may not like all of it, but it's still a worthwhile experience. It's easier to make up your mind about what you do and don't like after you've actually listened to it :) Me, my favourite is still the stuff I can sing along to.

In a total aside, this new place I'm in emotionally is quite strange to me. Sometimes I'm totally fine - sometimes this happens when I'm surrounded by people and distracted, sometimes it happens when I'm alone. Sometimes I miss Bean. I miss what we had, the easiness of knowing someone that well and being completely comfortable with them. Sometimes I miss Varen. I miss his enthusiasm for everything, including me. Sometimes I just miss someone ... does that make sense? It's not a specific person it's more like I'm missing sharing moments with anyone. Last night I wasn't feeling well and I especially missed having someone to come home to and cuddle with and fall asleep next to, someone loving me. Those are the hard times and I think they're worse in the dark. Somehow daytime makes life seem manageable and fires up my independent spirit and assures me I will survive and life will find it's way thru to the place it's supposed to be ... But sometimes, even the daylight isn't enough to assure me that things will be okay and that I didn't give up on something amazing ... twice. I guess it's all just part of the process. I find myself yearning for my life to start - like back in matric where you just knew everything was going to get better once you finished school and started life for real.

Anyway, I can't explain things much better than that ... but that's where I find myself, in a state of constant emotional flux. It gets quite exhausting actually.

I'm a Thai Massage Guinea Pig

I'm starting to get nervous about Friday. I'm having my third and final wisdom tooth out - yes, I am evolved and didn't develop all four. I know there are plenty of wisdom tooth and general dentist horror stories but, I've been particularly lucky in this regard, having never had a filling yet - touch wood. But I have had my other 2 wisdoms removed. Thankfully none have impacted and the first two fully erupted before having to be removed because they were rubbing against the inside of my cheek. Both were done under Local Anesthetic in the chair and were surprisingly pain free. This one hasn't yet fully erupted ... and wasn't even supposed to be moving around any more (considering my age) but in the last year it's started poking it's enamel head out of my gum - nothing better than teething pain at the ripe old age of 27 :P

So after much procrastination, I have finally booked my appointment for Friday morning and am taking off the rest of the day. And now I'm getting nervous. Even tho I've done this twice before, the anticipation kills me! I think it might've had something to do with the dentist telling me last time that the bottom jaw is much tougher and therefore harder to anaesthetise. Not encouraging. But I'm sure he's done this loads of times before ... right ?

Anyway, enough with the worry, last night turned out to be surprisingly fabulous. I thought it was going to be another mundane evening at home: exhausted after yoga and spent watching more tv series. Lucky for me, I have friends to look out for me when I hide in front of my laptop for too long :)

I got a surprise sms from Lady yesterday afternoon inviting me over for dinner and a Thai Massage - yes please! It was especially fab since I haven't seen much of her or Bug lately and now that she's joined book club, I think we've become complacent ... since we know we're seeing each other at least once a month :) Anyway, we'd said it would be great to get together for a long-overdue catch-up before book club, but I really didn't think it would end up happening ... we all have busy lives and things tend to get in the way too often.

But she surprised me with this fabulous invitation, which was exactly what I needed after the emotional up & down's of this week ... people who care about me who I can trust to be honest and supportive.

So I rushed from work to home and changed for Yoga. Then off to Yoga for my 90 minute session - it is still harder than ever this week cause of such a long break! Then back home for a speedy bath and then off to theirs.

Lady made us a fab dinner and Bug settled down to copy all the series-loot I'd brought along in lieu of wine or flowers ... I figured they'd appreciate it more in the long term, plus I had no time to scrounge up anything else. And then after all the detailed stories were told I settled down on a blanket on their lounge floor to play guinea pig for Lady's recent Thai Massage training. Oh the flaming pain ;)

It was fab and I enjoyed every minute of it, although I think I provided her with more of a challenge than usual since my back is particularly knotted at the moment ... in fact I was thinking I might actually need to get a proper massage to sort me out asap.

So that was my evening, finished off with a nice hot choc and then a freezing drive home. it was a much needed nice quiet night spent with good friends :)

Quiet Times

Last night wasn't very exciting ... I did make it to Yoga tho. It was helluva difficult after having missed it all of last week. That and I had hurt my knee yesterday in a freak accident of smacking it full on while opening a door ... I was in much pain.

Anyway, other than that I started a new series, the last of the lot I got from Varen, The Lost Room. Only watched the first episode and although I started out confused it is starting to make more sense.

I'm also proud of myself after yesterday. I spent the week at the leadership course learning all about ways of improving myself when interacting with others. And yesterday, being the first day back at work, I took up the challenge (and it was) and really concentrated on tempering my gut-reactions (luckily nothing too frustrating happened!). I'm not sure how long I can maintain this demeanor in the face of abject annoyance but, for the mean time I am trying ... and that itself is a step in the right direction.

So, off on another tangent, I have some books to review. First, I finished Mark Billingham's Lazybones.

Someone - a woman or somebody pretending to be a woman, is writing to convicted rapists in prison, befriending them and then brutally killing them when they are released. DI Tom Thorne must discover the link between these killings and a murder/suicide that took place twenty-five years before; a tragedy to which the only witnesses were two small children, now adults and nowhere to be found...How can you escape a past that will do a lot more than just catch up with you? And how can Thorne catch a killer, when he doesn't really care about the victims?

This was a good read with a nice twist ending ... even tho you knew the twist was coming and I was concentrating pretty hard to figure out whodunnit, I didn't get it right.

Then, I finished Mark Haddon's The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time.

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time is a murder mystery novel like no other. The detective, and narrator, is Christopher Boone. Christopher is fifteen and has Asperger's, a form of autism. He knows a very great deal about maths and very little about human beings. He loves lists, patterns and the truth. He hates the colours yellow and brown and being touched. He has never gone further than the end of the road on his own, but when he finds a neighbour's dog murdered he sets out on a terrifying journey which will turn his whole world upside down.

I enjoyed it. Not quite as much as Extremely Loud tho. I like the way both these authors have managed to capture the honest and directness of a child-like mind. Before all the pre-conceived notions of adulthood step in.

And that is as exciting as life gets ... which is apparently not very. I guess I'm in that phase of "going thru the motions". Which I know does end eventually. It's just hard to see a way out right now. But it will come, it must. This is, after all, life.

Back at Work

So I'm back at work this morning ... it's a rough adjustment after being away all week in a 4-star environment with soft skills training.

So, let me recap. Friday was pretty decent and we were pretty much the only group left by the evening (the stagger the groups, one starts on a Sunday afternoon and another, like ours, starts on a Monday afternoon). We spent the evening in the bar drinking Amarula on ice, playing a few rounds of pool and loads of 30 seconds (I love that game).

Saturday was a fairly hectic day. Not only was it a Saturday and we had to effectively "be at work" till 5pm, we had to check out before class in the morning and run a 3-year financial institution simulation. This turned out to be a far better day than I expected ... since I didn't think I would have much to contribute in this sort of simulation at all, being from an IT background (and not business or marketing). Turned out I did have plenty to contribute and most of it was even useful :) Did wonders for my levels of confidence, even tho I still haven't quite learned to control the initial automatic anticipation reaction of fear and worry and intimidation.

Anyway, went home round 5:30 on Saturday afternoon and am definitely looking forward to the second week of the course in June.

Loulou was huddled under a blanket in the lounge when I arrived back and the two of us proceeded to spend the rest of the weekend watching the entire first season of How I Met Your Mother. Literally, we did nothing else. I meant to go out and do some shopping (since I had pretty much nothing in the fridge after a week away from home) ... but that never happened.

So at least I felt like I'd had a bit of a chance to relax before the week back at work.

And that is pretty much it. Haven't done or thought about much of anything at all ... pretty much let my brain switch off after a whole week spent in deep concentration.

Oooh, quick update: During our Customer Services module on Friday, we got to spend a couple of hours at Sandton and I finally managed to find myself a new hand bag at Accessorize - my birthday present for mom. It is fabulous :) I am thrilled ... more so because I have been looking for a new one for a while.

Am I Just Part of an Experiment?

So i find myself in a fairly interesting new age situation. How many other people can honestly say they know what this is like ... ?

Now I love blogging and I won't be giving it up any time soon, assuming nothing steps in the way of that. But things get interesting when: Girl meets Boy. Girl shows Boy her Blog. Boy reads Girl's Blog. Boy starts own Blog. Girl reads Boy's Blog. Boy and Girl break up. Both keep Blogging.

Now, in my current situation where there is now no contact between Girl & Boy (at Boy's request), the Blogs are really all we have left to go on. So, perhaps I'm wrong in saying that the Varen & Philly show is truly over. I know he's still reading this - no doubt to check out the aftermath ... which he seems to assume implies I'm coping just fine, obviously he's not reading it too closely. I am wounded and hurt and sad and angry and have currently no outlet but the blog. He's been posting some interesting stuff on his side of the Blogosphere too. And he knows I'm still keeping tabs.

So here we are, in a very new age situation. We've broken up and essentially, that should be the end of it, right? In the old world you'd cut ties in much the way he listed in his email (quoted in a previous post) and probably delete each other's number from your cell phone too. And although he may have done all that, we are still exposed to each other by a morbid curiousity ... since I guess we could just as easily stop reading the other's blog. But I won't and I'm not yet sure how he'll handle things. Although we want to cut the ties that are continuing to remind us of the hurt and pain and unfortunately just as much of all the good times (harder to remember right now tho), we just can't stop ourselves ... well, I can't. I want to know what he's up to and how his day was just as much as if yesterday never happened. I'm just no longer allowed to get this information in a private capacity. And as a girl who regularly Google's her ex's, this should come as no surprise :)

It's weird and it seems to be causing a fair amount of confusion and more hurt currently ... I guess because we only hear what's written in the voice we read it. Which is usually, no doubt, not how it was intended.

Anyway, I must be off back to course ... but these are my musings. Yes Varen, you still occupy a fair amount of my head space, even tho you seem not to think so.

Report Back: Night Four

Had a fabulous night out over-compensating for the day I've had ... after dinner I took a long walk around the "jogger's track" in the cold and dark, spending some reflective time in my own company feeling hurt and upset.
Now it is 12:30 and I'm just back in my room after an evening spent at the bar playing a little pool and networking with the guys on the senior course, impressing them with much 30 seconds skill and some toothpick logic ;)

It turned into a good night with lots of laughter which is really what I needed since I was feeling quite crushed this afternoon. I know what has happened with Varen was essentially inevitable, but I don't have to like it. I hope he will be happy with the choices he has made ... but right now, they do nothing to convince me that we'll ever speak again - although I have received one sms and one blog comment from him since his extrication from my life entirely.

Interesting times. I hope I can stay awake for the course tomorrow :) Perhaps I'll just have to skip breakfast!

Brief Aside

So, while I'm supposed to be away on this course, a course that takes you away from the daily stress of your work environment and the traffic as well as the distraction (?) of your friends and family and has really done everything in it's power to ensure you build new networks and can concentrate entirely on all the good things they have to impart, I have my life poking it's nose in.

For those of you who have been watching series after series of the Varen & Philly show, it has now come to a rather definite but abrupt close. Yes, I know you all thought that happened on Sunday, and to all intents and purposes it did. But to my surprise, we still were in contact ... not immense contact, no emails and only a very rare and functional sms but messaging on facebook every so often none the less.

And this afternoon, while I was in a class none the less, I got a simple (and functional) sms that merely said "I'm sorry. Bye." Hmmm, this got me thinking ... what could this mean, coming completely out of the blue?

Apparently we're over, not friends, not aquaintances, nothing, over. According to his explanatory email that I've just managed to get to read: "i've resigned from facebook, removed you off my blog, deleted you from my googletalk authorisations etc etc." That is how over we are.

I still don't quite know why or what I did that caused this all of a sudden, much the same as I still am not sure what triggered this entire downward spiral in our relationship on Sunday either. Obviously in my absence he has figured out all sorts of things that he couldn't while I was around (which was just as much his fault as mine).

That, or he's found someone else and can't just tell me that since he was the one supposed to be more invested in this, how would it look if he were the first to move on and so quickly? Anyway, who knows ... I doubt I ever will. But certainly after his abrupt manner in handling this situation (which is obviously how he needed to do it to ensure he would), I am not inclined to be interested in any of the reasons.

It's over. We won't be speaking again, no doubt ever (we're both stubborn like that). It's sad and I wish I'd known that the last time I saw him was going to actually be the last. There's not much more I can say, but it has certainly put a damper on my mood today ... which was mostly boredom as we spent the day on Strategy. But still, it's not a nice way to receive bad news and I don't really have anyone here to share my emotions with (we're not all that close yet). So here I am finding an outlet for the upheaval in my life and the inability to act on any of it by writing it all down.

No doubt he won't be reading anymore anyway :P

Report Back: Night Three

Today has been interesting and, although there was much teasing everyone over their inherently Red/Yellow or latently Blue/Green behaviour, we covered a lot. Today's topic was EQ.

It's mostly educational and I know I have a lot to learn when it comes to this, specifically in the work-place. I am definitely a gut-reaction type girl and often far too direct and honest for my own good and those around me - shoo, it's taking a lot to actual admit that here in the Blogosphere, obviously I have been learning something ;)

And the relationships between the people who were total strangers a few days ago is clearly evident as each session the noise levels rise and people take longer to stop their individual conversations and chattering - I've even met a few people who I'd like to keep in touch with (I can say that now, it has after all only been two full days spent together ;) )

This evening we had a "social mixer" with all the groups in the bar. It started out in quite a stilted manner where we mostly stuck to our own groups till they handed out question cards ... the trick was to find a person in the room who filled the 5 requirements on your card. These were things like "Have you Scuba Dived in the past 12 months?", "Do you own 3 or more cats?", "Have you swum the Midmar Mile?", "Have you ever traveled to Tasmania?" etc. It certainly got conversations flowing and people interacting as they searched thru the big group for the few people who would complete their card and allow them entry into the final draw.

It's been interesting, I've heard some serious stories about the parties that go on here during the course ... now either we have a fairly restrained group or we are still holding back in a "work-environment". Only time will tell :)

In other news, it was fairly interesting to be handling the EQ portion of the course on a day when I received some news that I'm not quite sure how to handle. It's not my news, so I can't feel anything directly and I'm too removed from the situation to have any sort of concrete gut-reaction to it so I find myself taking my emotional queues from the people involved. Dad's job is on the line. This is quite serious for a man who is not yet 55 although technically he is done raising his family and mostly finished providing for his daughters (except the Peeb occasionally), he and Mom still have a far amount of life ahead of them and the very real possibility of finding himself without a job on Friday is fairly daunting, well for me anyways. He is not being retrenched, there is nothing respectful or graceful about this process. He is being Fired. They are having a disciplinary hearing for whatever they can scratch up in the dirt just simply because a few years back the company was bought out and they have been trying to find a way to get rid of all the old staff ever since. To be fair, he has outlasted many, but unlike some of the others at his age he has no where to go from here but home.

I know he will remain strong thru out and even now he is adopting a wait-and-see strategy (how typical, as I now have him figured out as a Blue) .... really, what else could he do? And it leaves me really very unsure of my own emotions on the subject. Yes, we knew it was a possibility for the last year or two, but I never really thought it would actually happen. I feel quite helpless to suggest anything or support him or who knows what all the way from up here in Jhb. But he is my dad and he will be fine and he will survive this and we will still be there beside him no matter what the outcome :) Daddio, I'm thinking of you ... and I hope you show them what's what on Friday!

And now I'm off to do our assigned reading for the week ... although I'd much rather be settling down with my latest book, I'm loving it so far ;)

Report Back: Day Two

Just bashing out a quick post here before I head off for a free evening, which hopefully means a little pool, a little foosball, some dinner and good conversation (not sure about that last one yet tho).

Today was the first real day of our leadership course and very interesting. The afternoon was spent learning about the Insights Profile and receiving our evaluations. It was very interesting reading and although there were one or two things I disagreed with (naturally), I eventually figured out where they were probably coming from.

So far it's all good. And I can say that I'm glad to have the distraction of this course for the week (post Varen). Although I regularly have to resist the urge (and I've so far been successful!) to head back to my room and it's connection to the internet, email, facebook, google talk and my blog-stats in every 10 minute break we get. Thus far I'm happy to relegate my internet usage for a quick squizz before breakfast and a more lengthy involvement in the evenings.

But I must say that once I sign off this, I doubt I'll be on again tonight ... unless the company is particularly boring and I lose every game of pool I'm invited to join ;)

Report Back: Night One

So it seems that blogging of any form this week is going to have to be night-time blogging ... which goes against the norm and we'll have to see how that works out. I'm not sure that I'll manage every evening, apparently this turns into quite the party spot once you get to know your fellow course-ees (what's the right word for that, anyway?). But for now, it's night number one and although the get to know each other has begun, it's far from downing shooters and playing foosball (yes, they have that too!)

So far orientation was interesting. I figured out I don't know anyone else here (and there are 5 courses currently on the go, each with about 30 people). We had an amazing talk in the Auditorium by Nick Binedell from GIBS. It was fantastic and he is completely listenable.

So, so far so good. I am impressed ... and I don't think that's too easy a task. Then there was dinner. Apparently the average weight gain for the full two week training period (I'll be back for the second week towards the end of June) is 4 kgs. Better keep and eye on that ... do need any extra help in that department! Although there is a gym, but it's a small consolation for the three yummy 3-course meals provide daily. I kept it to a minimum for dinner ... will see if I can maintain constraints thru out the week :) No promises.

Oh, and the shower wasn't all it was cracked up to be ... the hot & cold markers on the tap thingy were opposite! Annoying, but luckily I figured it out eventually. But, the pressure was good, which is crucial to shower-ranking. And I had to figure out how to turn off these bizarre lights - you have to dim them within an inch of their life ... and then they switch off for real. It's like a tease, really.

So, now, at the surprisingly early 9:30, it is off to bed for me ... No doubt I'll start on my new book :)

Arrived

So, I'm all checked in and in my room awaiting the Leadership course orientation at 5pm. It's marevelously handy to have internet in all our rooms :) But, I fully intend to only use the internet for blogging, checking my mail and facebook - no work! Yippee.

Oh, and the rooms are amazing! Almost the entire bathroom is shower :) My kinda place ... and you can sit down in the shower. Can not wait to use it. And there is a heated pool, a gym ... I guess they kinda need all that since we're not allowed to leave the hotel/conference venue for the duration.

Unexpected Ending

So this weekend was good ... up until Sunday round lunchtime. But more on that later. Probably sould've written this all down last night but I was busy (luckily) and now I'm in a bit of a rush since I only have half a day here at work before I'm off on the leadership course this week.

Friday I was in a pretty peculiar mood (see the post) but, even so Varen wanted to do lunch before he headed off to Umkomaas and I was gone for a week. Lunch wasn't a spectacular event, I wasn't in the best of moods, but it was nice to see him :)

Friday evening Loulou and I had a quiet night at home with mini pita-pizzas and a couple of dvds. The dvds were not ideal since I've generally seen just about everything on big screen, so I was holding out for saw 3 and accepted there'd be at least one that I'd already seen.

We ended up with Deja Vu & Borat (hadn't seen this for reason that remain obvious after watching) since saw 3 had not yet been returned - annoying

Deja Vu I've reviewed already.

Kazakh TV talking head Borat is dispatched to the United States to report on the greatest country in the world. With a documentary crew in tow, Borat becomes more interested in locating and marrying Pamela Anderson.

It's rubbish. I was never a huge Ali G fan either. And I'm not a huge fan of this sort of humour. That's really all there is to say about it.

Then I was up early early on Saturday morning so that I could get myself to the 8am Bikram Yoga class. Was a good way to start the day ... even tho the Yoga was more difficult in the morning. I think because the room hasn't spent the whole day being heated and because all my muscles still thought they should be lazing in bed :)

Then I went on a bit of a shopping spree before I had to head to work for another implementation. This one went smoothly :) Then there was more shopping ... since I was missing the rugby already, might as well make it count ;) I thought I'd be one of about 3 people in the malls but I can tell you that I didn't even notice a thinning in attendance. Oh well.

Then it was home to wait for Loulou to get back from the rugby. Started watching a new series called Extras. I preferred it to The Office.

The Loulou and I got all dolled up and headed to her friend's 31st birthday. Stayed for about 2 hours or so and then headed to a house party we'd been invited to by Phlippy & Lord Wiggly. That was quite a fun evening :) Better than most house parties since they had a barman and a DJ. But didn't really meet too many interesting new people ... at least no one I'd ever need to see again.

And then it was home fairly early at midnight since the few people we knew there had all just about left themselves. I think it was my early morning Yoga kicking in too ... plus I'm out of practice at the whole party-scene.

Then I had a good laze-in on Sunday morning. Finished reading my book. Then Loulou and I went and had sushi for lunch.

And this is where things took a turn for the worse. I'm still not really sure what happened, but it did. I chatted to Varen, on his way home from his diving weekend. I wanted him to join me for movies later in the evening, since he'd said he'd be popping in on his way home anyway. And he got really angry with me about having been to the party the night before. The conversation ended abruptly and led to a number of confusing smses. I could tell he wasn't happy.

So I left things alone for a while to cool off and finished watching Extras. Then I called him. I'd decided to do a double feature at the movies (haven't done that in years .... since I dated ActorWriterDirector, actually) and would therefore not be able to chat to him when he arrived home. I invited him to join me for the second movie, if he was in a better mood. And here, on the phone, while he was driving with 2 of his friends in the car, the conversation got heated.

I'll never know if he was planning to end it on Sunday evening all along, was that the reason he was gonna come over? I'll never know if it's because he had a far better time on the weekend away from me and our continual ups & downs. I'll never know how much he got talked into finally making the decision by his friends who were there with him ... they don't really think we're such a marvelous idea. Either way, things are really, no-speaking even, over. I guess that's what happens when you end things (can't really say break-up since I couldn't really say we were dating) over the phone. It's far more final and you're not there to hug the person and see their emotion.

I am sad about all this, but I understand why it eventually had to happen. So, I couldn't stop it happening. With an ultimatum like date me or nothing, when I clearly can't date him, what options am I left with but to gracefully bow out and let him go. He'll survive this, I'll survive this and maybe one day we'll even speak again. It's hard to realise that this is really the end. I'm going to miss him. There'll be no one to watch series with and no more bike rides.

And I wish I could figure this whole thing out. I don't know why I couldn't date him. Things were sometimes so good between us, but Ijust couldn't commit to it and have it turn into a full-time thing. I wish I knew what was holding me back ... but I don't, it's just a funny feeling inside me that stopped me every time I thought maybe.

So there you have it. I am really single now. He won't be speaking to me again for a very long time, I'm sure. I wonder if his blog will still be up when I get back to work next Monday? I hope he'll be happy. He is a lovely guy :)

So after that I went to hide. I watched my double feature of Fracture & Spider Man 3.

If you look close enough, you'll find everyone has a weak spot. Anthony Hopkins and Ryan Gosling star in the dramatic thriller Fracture. When a meticulous structural engineer (Hopkins) is found innocent of the attempted murder of his wife (Embeth Davidtz), the young district attorney (Gosling) who is prosecuting him becomes a crusader for justice. Fracture is packed with twists and turns that weave in and out of the courtroom as the pair try to outwit each other.

Fracture looked to be good ... but turned out not completely fabulous. I spotted the twist the instant it happened and boredly waited for the characters to catch up.

How long can any man fight the darkness... before he finds it in himself?
In Spider-Man 3, based on the legendary Marvel Comics series, Peter Parker has finally managed to strike a balance between his devotion to M.J. and his duties as a superhero. But there is a storm brewing on the horizon. As Spider-Man basks in the public's adulation for his accomplishments and he is pursued by Gwen Stacy (Bryce Dallas Howard), who rivals M.J. for his affections, Peter becomes overconfident and starts to neglect the people who care about him most. His newfound self-assuredness is jeopardized when he faces the battle of his life against two of the most feared villains ever (Thomas Haden Church, Topher Grace), whose unparalleled power and thirst for retribution threaten Peter and everyone he loves.

Spider Man 3 I found as disappointing as it seems everyone else has. It's pretty slow and I thought quite tedious. Oh well, it had to be watched.

He didn't show up for the second movie. I still thought he might and make everything okay again, but he didn't. It really is over.

And that was my weekend. Things are strange this morning. Got a good-bye email from Varen. I can't deal with this right now. I only have a morning at work this week and I've spent half of it blogging so far. I need to finalise and pay for my Kenya-Uganda trip and go to a couple of meetings. I am sad. This is life.

I Hate The World (or Myself?)

I'm having one of those "I Hate The World" days, one of those "I Hate Myself" days but more a "I Hate The World" day. You know the ones. Your head settles in for a real attack on your psyche and sends messages of doom and destruction coursing thru out your body. And then there are all these other people you have to deal with. And since I'd rather not go into all the things I'm hating about myself right now (no need to wallow, right?) and all the things I think is wrong with my pitiful life, let's focus on The World.

It's nothing particular ... it's just that general overriding feeling that makes me log out my Google Talk and my phone (handy being at the Second Site!) and deal with people only thru manageable byte-sized (pahahahaha, excuse the Computer Geek pun - see what a dreadful place my mind has taken me to) emails. Thank Goodness for my iPod that blocks out all the people around me at my desk going about their daily business.

It's one of those days I should've rather just spent in bed with my book and a few episodes of something to watch so that I could deny the existence of The World at large. Nothing would exist outside of my bedroom, except perhaps the loo & kitchen (both for purely functional reasons, of course). Then perhaps around now I would've been alright enough to venture to the garden to bask in the sun ... that would improve my mood :) Varen always said watching me walk into the sun was like watching a flower opening. I dunno about that, but the sun is pleasant enough.

I'm in one of those moods where it doesn't matter how many nice or encouraging things someone says or how much you nod and smile to their platitudes, deep down your head is swiping them to the side as absolute lies ... all lies! And it doesn't matter how excited I am about my upcoming trip which should be providing me with brag rights for having experienced one of those once in a lifetime things, usually delegated to something you see on tv by the rest of the population. Or that I'm being my usual independent self about it all ... my mind can take the "Kapow!" right out of all that cool stuff that should be making me feel better. See, my head hates me.

Maybe I just need to eat. Although I've been enjoying my recent breakfasts of strawberries and banana's.

Get Your Free Hugs Here

Another boring evening at home including a Yoga visit, dinner, a little reading in the bath with bubbles & candles for ambiance and Grey's 3. I'm cramming in these nice quiet evenings while I can ... I gather the nights during the leadership course can get rather raucous. Plus I have a serious Saturday lined up :)

Oh, and on the emotional side, here begins interesting times with Varen. He's off to Aliwal for a spot of diving this weekend. And then I'm off to the course next week with no email, blogging, facebook or Google Talk to keep me company (I hope I survive a whole week of that!). So we are all sitting on the edge of our seats (by "we" I mean: me, Varen and you lot) waiting to see how this ends up affecting our generally fragile status quo.

So, before I dash off to do some actual work to minimise the work I'll have to be doing for *another* implementation tomorrow (luckily this should be the last for quite a while!) I thought I'd leave you with some More Internet Madness.

There's this site documenting one man's campaign for free hugs: FreeHugsCampaign.org. The site tells the story of how it all started at an airport in Australia, got banned by the local government and he ended up on Oprah.

Strange. Strange but interesting ... in a humanitarian kinda way. I can't say it's something I would get involved in, but I'm all for passing on the message and, to me, it's like an interesting experiment. So there ya have it.

Have a fabulous weekend :) And miss me next week!

Quick Post Before Work

Just a quick post because I have a busy day ahead training someone ... unusual, so we'll see how it goes :) I may have wanted to be a teacher back when I was in Standard 8, but I quickly learnt, I simply do not have the patience for it.

Last night was nice. I wasn't feeling 100% so skipped Yoga and Varen came over for dinner (Chicken & Broccoli bake courtesy of Woolies) and we watched some Heroes and House. I'm horrified to say that I'm starting to really enjoy Heroes ... yes, it's a bit annoying that it only really gets good (in my opinion) after about the first 15 episodes, which is really long to wait ... Dexter was only 12 episodes for the whole Season and that was brilliant from the word go!

So, that's life in a nutshell. Nothing too exciting, but I did get sent a very cool site this morning :) Mice and More actually supplies these very cool computer mice in South Africa. Yes you read right, this is one of those very rare situations where you spot something cool online and can actually get it in SA! Which is all the more reason I'm blogging about it :) Plus these mice look so fun!

Upcoming Excitement

Righto. Big things happening here people! And I'm getting all nervous and excited and swirly :)

Quick head's up. I'll be off on a training course next week from Tuesday - Saturday. Who's bright idea is it to organise these things to end on a weekend, hello? But apparently it's quite a blast even tho you're not allowed to leave the conference centre for the duration ... but they have a gym and who knows what all else so shouldn't be too terrible! Like staying in a hotel :) Looking forward to it ... even tho it'll mean no blogging :( But I'm sure it'll warrant a marathon post on return!

And then, the even bigger news ... I have sort of maybe been toying with ideas for my 2007 holiday. See, since 2004 when the travel bug hit good and proper, I try to take at least one major international holiday per year of at least 2 weeks. In 2004 I went overlanding round Southern Africa for 5 weeks (Namibia, Botswana, Zambia, Malawi & Mozambique) with Wagon Trails - brilliant. In 2005 Bean & I went to Singapore & Thailand with Imaginative Traveller - highly recommended. And in 2006 Bean & I went to Egypt with On The Go - amazing.

So now I'm alone again and have been mulling over the idea of heading to Uganda to visit the Mountain Gorilla's in person ever since Band's boyf got to visit them thanks to CNN. I've been browsing around online and yesterday I started sending out some enquiries ... and today I'm almost booked. I'm nervous about how fast this has all happened, but I found an overland tour that's in my price range and covers all the things I want to see: the Gorilla's as well as the Wildebeest migration at the Masai Mara ... hell, while I'm there I'd better make it worth my while ;) So, I'm looking at going on Go2Africa's Gorilla's & Game Parks tour (okay, I don't know why the hyper link isn't working, it seems to be messing up the little wriggly things ... so here is the proper link, if you're interested you'll have to cut 'n paste it: http://www.safari.go2africa.com/tours/tours-itin-tempg2a/ frompage~overland/TourID~36 -> remove the space, it's purely there for display purposes!) in August. Yikes, I'm nervous and excited ...

Oh, and last night was pretty boring. Made it to Yoga - yay. Had Salmon Fishcakes (from Woolies) as an attempt to eat more fish ... apparently it's good for you and at the moment all I'm getting is from the sushi I eat regularly, which is also generally mostly prawn ... so insufficient, I'm sure. And then some time in the bath with my book and a few more episodes of Grey's 3.

Monday's Gone

I'm not really in the mood for posting today ... not sure why, things are a bit weird in my head right now. I'm kind of hiding I guess. Nothing exciting happened last night. Got home after 8pm, enjoyed a relaxing bath, had a cereal supper and watched some Grey's Anatomy Season 3.

But I do have a book to review ... so here I am bashing away at my keyboard to provide you, the reader, with Jeffery Deaver's The Cold Moon.

It's the night of the full Cold Moon - the month of December according to the lunar calendar. A young man is found dead in lower Manhattan, the first in a series of victims of a man calling himself the Watchmaker. This killer?s obsession with time drives him to plan the murders with the precision of fine timepieces, and the victims die prolonged deaths while an eerie clock ticks away their last minutes on earth.

this book was fab, as Deaver's Lincoln Rhyme's novels usually are (I'm still undecided about the rest of his stuff tho). Although it starts a little slowly, it twists and twirls it's way to the end ... any book that causes a gasp out loud because you can not believe that just happened, is definitely one I'd recommend reading! And this one does just that :)

> Follow Jeffery Deaver on Twitter

Now, let's just keep our heads down and hope today is an improvement on yesterday and that I manage to get to Yoga tonight.

Such a Monday

I am still at work ... Blegh, production issues. How annoying. Hopefully things are en route to being resolved and I may even be home in time to get some sleep before tomorrow :)

A Lovely Spoilt Weekend in Madikwe

So for weeks Varen has been planning this surprise secret weekend away, and finally the day arrived.

We set off early, leaving work at 1pm for our 4 hour journey. I had no idea where we were headed, and that was fantastic! We drove up thru Magaliesburg ... which momentarily scared me after my experience there with Mom, but I soon realised that Magalies was not near far enough away to warrant a 4 hour drive.

We drove and drove. Thru Koster and up towards Zeerust - I had no idea where the hell these places were, but there were plenty of signs to Gaborone ... he didn't tell me I might need my passport!

I didn't, we stopped about 30kms from Gaborone at the Buffalo Ridge Safari Lodge in the Madikwe Game Reserve.

We arrived fairly late, at about 7pm - we'd had some lunch along the way. But it was beautiful. There were oil lamps lighting the road to reception and we were greeted with a sherry on arrival.

We were shown to our chalet which was spectacular. Although it would've been completed perfectly with a huge spa-bath, the shower more than made up for it. I have a bizarre fascination wiht outdoor showers and it's a sure way to impress me. This one was a combo ... indoor and outdoor because it had massive sliding doors that you could open to the outside. Perfect! And the bed was gigantic, you could lose someone in there :)

After a few minutes to settle in and look around, they came to fetch us for dinner - you can't walk around on your own at night.

We had a lovely dinner - I even ate a black mushroom, but it was hidden with feta in a phyllo pastry parcel with basil pesto ... and did not taste a bit like a real mushroom! I despise mushrooms and make it a rule not to eat grey food ;)

Then it was back to the room to try out the shower after our long drive and to get some much needed sleep, we had an early morning wake up call for the game drive.

This is the morning view from our chalet -> Enchanting. We were up early, at 6am for the game drive and in the 3 hours bouncing around on the back of the land rover, we managed to see lots of game: Lions, Ellies, Zebra, Giraffe, Wildebeest and a vast amount of buck.

After the game drive which finished at about 9:30am, we enjoyed breakfast and went back to our room for some reading, relaxing and a snooze. Lunch was at 1:30 and after that we lazed in the sun on the pool deck (the pic Varen posted on Friday). Although the evenings and early mornings are quite chilly, the days in the bright sunshine are wonderful and warm. Then at 4pm we met again for our evening game drive.

This was fabulous because we ended up at a huge watering hole with a huge herd of Elephants who were trying to get to the water. They were very skittish because there were 2 male lions, millions of Vultures and a few Jackal enjoying the remains of a Rhino carcass that had been killed by an Elephant on the Monday. It was very entertaining to watch the Ellies become more assertive, especially because they had quite a few young calves with them. They did eventually chase off the one Lion and I have a fantastic video clip of it :) Highlight!

Then were enjoyed a few sundowners and made our way back to the Lodge in the dark. We even managed to glimpse 2 Rhino with the spot light.

Thne it was dinner time ... one of the best meals ever. It was Ostrich fillet with a mango mint coulis, butternut and peppadew risotto. Delish!

The next morning we decided to laze in bed and skip the early game drive ... it was weekend after all and really, how much better could the sightings get? At about 7am tho, we got woken by a determined tapping on the glass doors. We had a very determined visitor, two Yellow Hornbills were obviously protecting their territory from their reflection. It was such fun to watch!

We had a very lazy morning reading while waiting for the game drive to get back and breakfast to be served. I had the best omlette ever for breakfast, and I am not usually an omlette fan - I like my omelettes like I like my pizza. Light on the base / egg, heavy on the topping / filling!

Then we lazed a bit more ... had to soak up the fabulous setting as much as possible before heading back to Jhb. We left at about 12:30 and made good time back to Joburg. We ended the weekend with a few episodes of Heroes and sushi at Sakura.

All in all a spectacular weekend: Thanks Varen, you did good, really good! I was a spoilt girl and we had a really good time together. It's little snippets of time like this that make me sad that I'm not in a space to give him what he wants, a real boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. But we did have fun, we have loads of photo's to prove it and I doubt the experience will be forgotten :)

This morning has been tricky so far, he's dealing with the fallout of such a fabulous weekend and the lack of real relationship, but hopefully we'll survive it because really, we do have a blast together when we're not arguing about the state of things and who's right and wrong!

And now I have to try to get back to work and I have that funny dread feeling in the pit of my stomach about this week, no particular reason, it's just a feeling ... hopefully nothing.